Friday, February 16, 2007

Praise Jesus! I can comb again!

This morning I awoke to see that the rest of the scriptures had been fulfilled - PTL! That in Matthew 11:5 we learned that "blind receive their sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up". What many people don't know, is that this particular passage finishes with "and the bald comb".

Thanks to advances in stem cell research, oh wait, scratch that; thanks to advances in recombinant dna extraction, damn, not that either. No, thanks to a fuckin' laser pointer in a plastic silver brush some men can now lose dignity faster than their Corvette can roll. The FDA has approved the The HairMax LaserComb. Apparently this god-send "was designed and developed in Australia and is manufactured in the USA under strict quality oriented standards." Wait, it get's better; "Located in Boca Raton, Florida, Lexington International, LLC. was established in 2000 to develop and promote a revolutionary hair care product, the HairMax LaserComb™." Okay first off, nothing legit ever came out of Boca Raton and what the hell does "strict quality oriented standards" mean? But the best part? This piece of crap sells for $545. Do you know how many rayon shirts and Cialis pills you can buy for $545!?

Well, hats off to you my friend if this is your purchase for the day. I'll be thinking of you while employing my own cure for baldness: A razor and a set of balls.

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