Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Cerebral Itch Valentine's Day Picks

So tomorrow is the big day. You either have to put up or shut up on the love front. Being that we're a greeting card company we thought we'd chime in on what makes our V.D. day a winner. Forget the sad-ass box of chocolate or flowers; we have some sure fire picks to spice it up or nice it up.

Toys - OhMiBod Music Vibrator
Yeah, you read that right; a music vibrator. You jack this baby into your iPod, fire up a playlist with some throbbing bass beats and there you go. Your iPod already goes more places with you then your lover so why don't you just make it an electronic three-way.

Candy - a case of Big Hunk bars
Go for symbolism and flattery (as well as diabetes). The sentiment will go a long way in pumping up your lover's ego and id with this fun little departure from those crappy toxic Necco hearts.

Movies - The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
We're going to get all sappy on you and recommend probably one of the most romantic movies ever made. The two characters don't even touch, yet you're swooning in ten minutes over the love, intelligence and passion emoted by the always amazing Rex Harrison and the classy Gene Tierney. Yeah, it's old; but damn it it's a good one.

- The Time Traveler's Wife
This chestnut came out a few years ago and it still hasn't left our consciousness. It is a kind and sophisticated story of a guy who has a genetic disorder that bounces him through random periods in his own lifetime as well as his wife's. I know, sounds weird. But that is the genius behind this book, it may sound like science fiction, but it reads like a grand romance with contemporary characters.

Porn - Xtube
What's Valentine's Day without porn? That's right, boring. And what's porn these days? That's right, boring. So kick it up a notch and watch regular people do what birds and bees do on Xtube. It's kind of like YouTube's trashy slutty cousin. And if you think that couple humping in the bad light and tacky decor looks like your neighbors; it probably is.

Greeting Cards - Cerebral Itch V.D. Line
Kiss my ass, it's my blog and I'll shamelessly plug the funniest goddamn Valentine's Day cards on the planet if I want to.

Newly Single? Hate Valentine's Day? Go shoot a gun. Here's a directory to firing ranges in your area. Or get ready to buy one of our Breakup and Divorce cards. They launch the day after this expensive little flaming hoop of a holiday we all have to jump through once a year.

That's it, that's all we got. Now go forth and go get laid my child.

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