Britney Spears signs on as Cerebral Itch spokesperson

SHERMAN OAKS, February 16, 2007 - Representatives of Britney Spears have confirmed that the perky performer has signed with Cerebral Itch for an undisclosed amount to promote the company's new line of niche greeting cards for "boozing and maternally negligent media-whores". Cerebral Itch president and co-founder, Paul Chamberlain stated that "With Ms. Spears new look we feel that she captures the essence of our new line and will allow us to create more product based on the continual collapse of society; it's a win-win for everyone."

Sources close to Ms. Spears declined to comment on whether or not Ms. Spears will continue to shave her head throughout the period of the contract; but did release a statement confirming that "Britney loves her new look and Cerebral Itch. We believe this partnership will flourish even more once we sober her up and explain most of the cards to her."

(we're joking people - this is satire - you didn't really think we were serious did you?)