Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Dancing With the Stars: Marie Osmond cuts the crazy rug

So what's a 48-year-old mother of eight to do when she's fighting for the crown on Dancing With The Stars after she's already fainted and juiced a bereavement-sympathy vote? Oh, how about Dress up like Baby Jane and do some sad-ass old Shields and Yarnell bit to only make your son want to stay another four weeks in rehab till this latest embarrassment blows over. Bingo.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday Indeed

Apparently we Americans can't embarrass ourselves enough with an abysmally stupid president and Real Housewives of Orange County that we have to resort to broadcasting our depravity with pre-dawn Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

Who the f&ck are these losers who set their alarm clocks so they can get up and bruise their credit rating some more? According to various research companies, consumers planned to spend in the neighborhood of $800 on Black Friday. You think these people paid cash for their purchases? I think not. Credit cards wilted under the heat from friction endured by being swiped repeatedly; further damaging the economy in a macro sense, but reported as "healthy consumer activity" in the short term.

The term "Black Friday" refers to when retailers went from being unprofitable, or "in the red," to being profitable, or "in the black", at a time when accounting records were kept by hand and red indicated loss and black profit. Clever.

Most of the evening news on Friday night consisted of two major stories: the Black Friday shopping throngs and the tragic Bangladesh cyclone that has so far killed 3200 people. The juxtaposition of these two stories sickens, which leads one to believe that the term "Black Friday" refers not to an anachronistic accounting term but rather to the color of the shopper's souls.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving From Cerebral Itch

A little classic Charlie Brown for the holiday.
What can we say we're softies.
(p.s. with that said, we are greatly disturbed that the black kid is sitting by himself and Woodstock is a cannibal)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Scott McClellan: Stuttering Endomorph and Passive-Aggressive Whistle Blower

The smart money would definitely not have been on former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan to grow a set of balls and come back swinging like the fat kid on the playground who was tired of being bullied. But when you examine it in that context, it kind of makes sense.

From day one, McClellan was never taken seriously. He was derided, bludgeoned and ridiculed for being far from photogenic and articulate. Ari Fleischer was a tough act to follow. Fleischer delivered the lies with a stern fluidity and authority the president lacked. Plus, he looked like a guy that knew his shit and could probably hold his own in the parking lot if provoked. McClellan alas, was the spherical rube who always got picked last for recess t-ball. It's no wonder they followed him up with the arrogant water-carrying polished media-whore and WASP, Tony Snow.

So when no one was looking, little Scotty penned a book and apparently he could've saved himself a lot of time if he had skipped the other 379 pages and just written the one with the following passage:

"The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior-most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby. There was one problem. It was not true. I had unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration "were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice President, the President's chief of staff, and the president himself." From his book, What Happened, which is to be published next April by Public Affairs.

Paging Patrick Fitzgerald, paging Patrick Fitgerald...

Former White House Counsel, John Dean squealed on Nixon during Watergate confirming a cancer was indeed upon the White House; the parallels are being drawn today with McClellan and his little bombshell. The only variable in all of this is Congress. Could this confused cluster of cowards finally have the cudgel to bring this band of thugs to justice? Hey, if McClellan could grow some, maybe the Congress can too? Yeah, I know. Not where the smart money is.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Marriage of Convenience

Pat Robertson claims his endorsement of Mayor Rudy Giuliani is one of faith and fellowship in a man who understands that the greatest threat to America is Islamic Radicalism. Well Pat, we call bullshit on you and your house of televised crazy over there at CBN. With that said, Pat really couldn't admit that the religious right is in a tailspin and instead of being a muscular and retarded gorilla forcing Republican candidates and red state voters into a bent over position, that they are now a stomped-on ant hill of believers who need to bet on the best GOP horse to win so they can limp into an inaugural ball, stop the bleeding and focus on 2012.

Pat is a miserable little cretin who spouts the antithesis of Christianity festooned in the most sinister of amalgam visages: politico-Christianity. In August of 2006, he obviously felt it was prudent to rub out Hugo Chavez. An equally crazy moron who would be rendered impotent if we stopped buying his oil (the Chinese however would buy oil from the Nazis - see Sudan). Might I cite the sixth commandment as laid out in Exodus 20: Thou Shalt Not Kill. Color me confused, but that appears to be somewhat contradictory. Pat spouted that 9-11 was brought on by America's coddling of abortionists and gays. He also said Ariel Sharon's stroke was the result of his relinquishing portions of Gaza. The hits keep on coming from his tiny intolerant brain; all too many to list here for free.

But back to Rudy: Sleep well whore.

If the gods look the other way and he is elected, was selling out the Supreme Court worth the price for Pat's pat? Or perhaps, promising to give the Israelis an inordinate amount of help to further destabilize the region and bring about end times worth having the pre-primary support of this wrinkled turd?

Does anyone really care? We live in a world that is bigger than Rudy and Pat. One where an Islamic nation with nuclear warheads is about to devolve into anarchy, one where a frighteningly significant portion of the American people see water boarding as an acceptable war-time practice, where super models and rappers are structuring contracts so they're no longer paid in American dollars and where more than two remaining presidential candidates do not believe in evolution.

Simply, it's the world that now powers the grave spinning machine for Orwell, Vonnegut, Wells, Jefferson, Eisenhower, Franklin, Paine, de Tocqueville, Lincoln, et al. It's quite sad really - we had a good run in the 20th Century; one would've thought we might have known how to keep that party going.

Monday, November 05, 2007

remember, remember the 5th of November

warantless wiretapping
Gore v. Bush
Telecom complicity
falling dollar
receding ice caps
crude oil $90+ barrel
etcetera, etcetera, etcetera

Friday, November 02, 2007

Bored at work? Trip out on this

That's Mars people. Click on the pic to enlarge, sit back and be blown away. Granted it looks just like an earth desert but that's the rub; a planet died a long time ago and it reminds us of ourselves. The other source of awe with this picture is that it was taken by the NASA rover, Opportunity. A wheeled geology/exobiology lab and camera crew that was supposed to function for around 90 days and has been going strong for almost two years. Perhaps Detroit may want to look into hiring the guys that built it. Hell, let's elect them to Congress.