The Cerebral Itch Valentine's Day iPhone app is now on Sale

So we're really getting the hang of this app making thing. So much so, we just launched our latest e-card app for Valentine's Day. There are 28 cards to choose from and divided up amongst two themes: Single & Bitter and In Love & Delusional. Straight or gay, happy or sad you're bound to find a few e-cards that will make this sham of a holiday a bit more enjoyable.

Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart making brownies - I shizzle you not

The Ol' girl actually is enjoying herself. I like them both more after this early Christmas present.

Christmas tunes giving the gift of depression

Okay, for sheer yule pathos it's hard to deny this little chestnut a place on your mantle of Christmas depression: Judy Garland singing "After the Holidays" on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Watching this force of nature near her booze-soaked end pleading to an imaginary lover who's about to bolt is a bummer on so many levels. The weepy piano tinkling at 1:58 with Judy mock reflecting on Christmases past make this the perfect viewing companion to your fourth straight-up glass of Christmas cheer in an empty room poorly illuminated by a dehydrated tree covered in lights you got at WalMart.


I'm just saying.

New Holiday e-Cards for 2009 - some of our best

Far be it from us to rest on our laurels; plus, far be it from us to not create some more yuletide hilarity while blasted on a little Christmas cheer.  And don't worry, we're not stopping with polyorchidism-saddled elves, Santa ass-slapping and boobies. Oh no, we're just getting warmed up for the season.

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Interstellar debris could really spruce the place up; I'm just sayin'.

"We got hosed"

The most factual (and hysterical) historical re-enactment of Thanksgiving you're ever going to see; courtesy of our unwitting youth.

Jesus, those pre-colonial crackers were bastards.

Polanksi - Chris Hansen Mash Up - God bless the Internets

Man, that little weasel is so screwed.

Who knew it was this easy to tighten your vagina

Look, it's Saturday night and I've been hitting the rosé - You click on one trashy banner ad you click on them all.

Well, there was this one that said "unleash your true sexual being". I'm thinking "what the hell - The wife's got a cold, it's Saturday night, I'll double down on that" and bingo! I hit the comedy jackpot.

Apparently there's this product that every sexually active male should be buying by the stone and keeping handy in the nightstand. Thanks to the Nobel Laureates over at St. Botanica, the loose vagina is no longer destined to be the butt of jokes (do I really need to point out that I combined "butt" and "vagina" in the same sentence?). Yes, according to their claims, they have concocted a tincture that will "help in Tighten and Restore the grip of Vagina" (I personally love that they elevate the vagina to a proper noun).

Rejoice Ladies, for there is an elixir that will do so much more than tighten and it is available for only $150 (12 tubes). The webpage for this product is a paper towel roll-long litany of claims that if true, I see St. Botanica banging out an AIDS and cancer cure in the next couple of weeks.

Personally, I think this kind of witchcraft is detestable. And girls, if truth be told, men think of vaginas like landings. Any one you can walk away from is a good one. Actually, if you can't walk away from the former, even better.

Greatest Facebook Quote ever...from my mother

"Can't believe some of the silliness I see on the site from friends who i was glad to hear from, some I don't really care about - but now know why i didn't get in touch before. How do I get off of this site?"

Nature: the ultimate muse

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

I heard of this a few weeks ago and finally got around to watching it. Beautiful.

You don't forget moments like this one

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
September 11, 2001
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

CALL HIM!

This backward disruptive turd needs to hear from all of us.

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC)
202-225-2452

 

To be filed under: "WTF!?"

As far as I'm concerned Facebook lost it's cool quotient a while back. But when Bruegger's Bagels can score 3,321 fans on their page complete with happy wall posts ("Rosemary & Olive Oil Bagels are the best!) by providing no redeeming content, it officially becomes reason 437,863 on why Facebook should be put down. Porn Star Facebook pages? sure. Politics? of course. I'll even tip my hat to some lame Twilight fan page; but goddamn bagels? That's just sick.

The only thing that brings me off the ledge is that there is a Facebook-killer out there somewhere on some geek's staging server ready to be funded or found that will go nova and kill everyone's favorite blue-hued time suck; and with it, goes Bruegger's...justice

Behold America! I give you your new spokesmodel!

So there was a local end-of-summer event this evening near the new Cerebral Itch offices; it promised good food, entertainment and fireworks. The venue is new and quite fetching. The Cerebral Itch family thought this lovely warm September evening would be a wonderful opportunity to venture out, be part of the community and risk some H1N1.

Well, it turned out to be an overcrowded fire marshal-hatin' cluster fuck of families and slow-moving food and beer lines. On the first recon lap of the joint, in a vain effort to try to find a place to sit, I come across the above family. I feign taking a picture of the building behind them so I can quickly drop the iPhone and snap a picture of this brood.

Now mind you, their appearance sadly was not all that different from a great majority of the people in attendance. What was so gripping about the scene was their absolute lack of self-awareness. Here they were in the middle of hundreds of people at dusk, still in their swimsuits, beached on concrete waiting for the band and the fireworks.

 

After the shallow and obvious comedy of the scene abated, the image of the boy stayed with me. I immediately saw him as a phenomenally accurate metaphor for our country right at this moment: Pubescent, fat, generally not that swift and shrouded in the flag in order to cover up shortcomings.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Okay Barry, let's get something straight here...

I watched you in 2004 give that historic speech at the Democratic National Convention and agreed with the pundits that this young chap from Chicago may have a shot at higher office. I defended your victory in Iowa as more than a fluke and went all in and declared you to be a harbinger of things to come. I stood in 95 degree desert heat for four hours to see you and be part of a movement that endeavored to wrest this county back from an administration that had an agenda different from the dimension I lived in. I shed a tear that November night it was declared that you were the first on so many levels. The iconic poster emblazoned with "HOPE" still hangs in my office. My story is so common; shared by so many others who agonized on that long two year road that you might not make it. But damn it, you did. And the world smiled. Okay Alaska and Wyoming didn't, but everyone else did.

So many problems, so many fires to extinguish. I thought surely this will be daunting but well within the wheelhouse of Obama, Axelrod, Plouffe, Emanuel and Biden. They beat back Hillary and the GOP for God sake. But instead, seven months later...you golf.

Your policies are half-measures and compromises. Nothing smacks of a moon shot or cancer cure. I was ready to match my grandparents and give up silk stockings and steak for the cause. I was ready to do whatever was necessary to foment the lightning in a bottle of a senate majority and political capital not seen since FDR's third term. But yet, you flitter it away.

Ironically, your team branded politics. You made it fashionable. Most people bought posters and t-shirts of you not out of ideology, but a desire to be cool. You beat the Limbaughs, Becks and Bachmans back into the shadows and lighted the way for the secular and educated. But now, people either fall asleep or brandish weapons at anachronistic town hall meetings.

You disappoint me Mr. President.

Quit smiling. quit waving, quit golfing and quit looking like you're having so much goddamn fun being the President. Start continually reminding the obtuse Republicans literally who's boss. Tell Pelosi and that cadaver Reid to get in line or get the hell out of the way. Give us something bold. Cash for Clunkers is not a legacy. One term is a stigma and organic gardens are punchlines.


Quite frankly sir, we weren't hoping for this.