Thursday, May 31, 2007

Billy Graham: Jesus Christ, this is the thanks I get!

You'd think when you dedicate your life to the almighty; you would get a better shake on clocking out of life. Well, not so much for Reverend Billy Graham. The poor old bible-thumpin' coot is in pretty rough shape. It seems the moral and spiritual adviser for entirely too many presidents (something like 11 if you count Ford; our country's version of a substitute teacher who let the punks run the joint i.e. Rumsfeld and Cheney) is suffering from a list of ailments that looks like what you get if you Googled "f*cked up combo of diseases that would hurt the most". Rev. Graham has fluid on the brain, prostate cancer and Parkinson’s disease.

Now far be it from me to take God and his kid to task here, but if you really wanted to impress people and have them join your club, you might want to make things a little easier on the one guy who shucked and jived in your name for the last, oh, 80 years.

And if the whole disease thing wasn't bad enough, his son Franklin arranges the Velveeta sandwiches and Country-Time lemonade in preparation for the Caucasian-studded dedication of his father's $27 million library and museum. One is led to assume that for $27 cool you would get a little class and dignity; well, that too is a dashed hope. Apparently the ol' anti-semite liked to promote his humble beginnings as a farm boy, so Franklin and his crack staff designed the place to look like a barn which has a 40-foot glass cross for a front door (classy). Hay bales and a 1936 farm truck decorate the lobby, along with an animatronic cow named Bessie that talks about Billy Graham as a young boy. Yes, you read that right, "an animatronic cow named Bessie that talks about Billy Graham as a young boy". Man, at least Falwell has a tax shelter disguised as a half-assed homogeneous university keeping his foul memory alive. In a somewhat related adding insult to injury side note, his parent's homeplace is now the site of Park Road Shopping Center.

A faux-barn, talking cow, a son with no aesthetic and a mall; take note people, that's not a legacy, that's karma!

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