Oh Cameron, the cross you bear

Cameron Diaz recently let her feelings be known on the soul-crushing inequality of being perty.

"If a woman who's a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, 'Do you think you made it because you're ugly?' So why should there be prejudice against someone who's had some success in films and looks a little better than average. It's all in my genes, so don't hold it against me."

Perhaps all that was needed to help punch this polemic through the mundane white-noise of war, corruption and climate change was for her to be on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That surely would've added to the necessary gravitas to such a bold and uniting statement. Her pain must resonate so deeply with high-school cheerleaders and Hawaiian Tropic girls around the world. Someone organize a telethon and call Bill and Melinda Gates.

You know, there were days when attractive blond actresses (editors note: brunettes are waaay hotter) giggled and acted stupid. Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Judy Holliday made a tidy living off of that schtick. Now, golden scarecrows Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow and the like make the occasional asinine statement with the lofty intent of being profound or intelligent. Unfortunately no one told them that you have to be profound and intelligent to make those kinds of statements.

And as for that "successful actress [who] weighs 300 pounds and has warts"; Camryn Manheim is coming to kick your scrawny white ass.