Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Sanjaya Phenomenon uncovered

Through diligent reporting on the part of our own Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad staff, we have uncovered the machinations behind the astounding staying-power of talentless Sanjaya Malakar, the Y-chromosome challenged American Idol contestant who survived yet another night of eliminations.

Based on close to six pages of documentation and a few well placed phone calls to relatives across town, it appears that approximately 300 call centers in Bangalore, India have been utilized in a surgical effort to inundate American Idol with votes for, euphemistically referred to in a confidential memo as their "homeboy", Sanjaya. The most notable call centers allegedly involved in this scandal are those that have existing contracts with Ford Motors/Mercury Vehicles, Gateway Computers and Cricket Wireless. A call center employee who would only allow us to refer to him as "Ted" explained how an entire call center could be utilized for such a nefarious purpose. "Nobody buys that crap so we don't get any calls. We got some of the best Sudoku players in India because people are just sitting around." The young Indian gentleman continued to elaborate. "Sure a couple of fat old Americans will give us a call on how put the seat back in their new Mercury town car or how to turn on their $300 junky computer, but other than that it's pretty quiet." "Ted" said that the entire staff of his call center jumped at the chance to start dialing for Sanjaya.

A spokesperson for Fremantle Media, producers of American Idol declined to comment, but Fox issued a statement this morning stating that they are looking into the situation but currently have all their resources focused on allegations surrounding the Jeff Foxworthy show Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader? that the show has been plundered by a ring of genius midgets disguised as 10-year old children.

Representatives for Malakar have also declined to comment but expressed to the media that this is a very stressful time for Sanjaya and he needs to focus at the task at hand; which apparently is the utter destruction of whatever credibility American Idol has left. Despite this scandal, Sanjaya's popularity has skyrocketed among his strongest fan base: developmentally disabled little girls who sob uncontrollably.

No comments: