Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Finally, some good news

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- In a serendipitous blending of technology and celebrity, it was determined through scientific means that no one truly gives a shit about Tori Spelling's new baby.

According to Spelling's publicist, the actress and her husband, actor Dean McDermott, welcomed 6-pound, 6-ounce Liam Aaron McDermott on Tuesday. Several hours later, Caltech spokeswoman Shiva Shabadoo, held a press conference to announce the results of a new device designed to scan search engine requests and the sympathetic karmic resonance energy of the general public. The results showed a near-flatline graph illustrating virtually no interest generated by the birth of the child; ranking just slightly below the Duncan Hunter presidential campaign.

When asked about the findings, Grandmother Candy Spelling commented, "A Spelling production hasn't had ratings this low since The Colbys; her father must be spinning in his grave". The couple will be starring later this spring in the reality series "Tori & Dean: Inn Love," on the Oxygen network. Shabadoo was asked if data had been gathered concerning the couple's upcoming series to which she replied, "We believe the device would only confirm what many of us already know, so we'll just save the electricity."

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