Republican Debate Wrap-Up

So the cracker band got back together for the CNN Republican Debates last night; here's the 10-second wrap-up:

McCain: Still pushing the fiasco known affectionately as the surge, but actually defibrillated his campaign last night by breaking away from his handlers in one special moment as he passionately defended Hispanic immigrants who contribute both in the private and military sectors. In a few key moments he went back to looking like the bad-ass old silver back gorilla protecting his harem you see in National Geographic documentaries.

Giuliani: Fear-mongering one-trick-pony who kept pushing his tired line of Democrats being on the defensive with terror. Hey weren't you the guy running through the streets of lower Manhattan on the morning of September 11th with your crooked police chief because the command center you demanded be stationed in the World Trade Center was a smoking pile of chalk? Yeah, I thought so. Plus, God took a whack at him with a lightning strike during an abortion question. Nature wins with an impeccable sense of comedic timing.

Romney: Smug, self-righteous, rehearsed and completely unable to be extemporaneous given the opportunity. This guy poops with a consultant. How I wish someone would've asked Mr. "Double [the size of] Guantanamo" about the Hamdan case being thrown out.

Thompson: What the hell is with your hair man?! Fire your stylist and start using real product and not henna and a fish comb to coif that pile of straw.

Tancredo: Bigot, Xenophobe and a little queenie if you ask me. Literally proposed shutting down the borders for an undetermined period of time for a "time-out" on all immigrants legal and illegal. Apparently he didn't finish his proposal concerning using the steel in the Statue of Liberty to build his border fence. His slogan should be "Vote Hate in 08".

Hunter: Likes nukes, hates Iranians, you do the math.

Brownback: Pious, goofy and states that we're the greatest country in the world because we value life. Oh, the reckless genocide and wanton destruction in places like Sweden.

Huckabee: Pious, goofy and states that we're the greatest country in the world because we value life. Oh, the reckless genocide and wanton destruction in places like Sweden. Seriously, not a typo; he and Brownback might as well get a room and make their love for all things 18th century official.

Paul: He described himself as a "Champion of the Constitution" and a lot of people clapped. Once again served as the sensible conservative sage who did not hesitate to call "bullshit" on his colleagues. Likened the Iraq strategy to a disease that was being improperly treated. Nice touch doctor.

Gilmore: The Chris Dodd of the GOP field

Fred Thompson: Boo!