Um, maybe it's because she sucks

The whole brouhaha over Katie Couric between ousted wingnut Dan Rather and megalomaniacal head of CBS, Les Moonves has really gotten to a point that requires cooler heads to intervene. The Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad elects itself to be that head.

Gentlemen, it's like this: Katie Couric sucks. Dan, your point about her "tarting up" the evening news is way off the mark. Katie Couric comes in under the supporting cast of the Sopranos in the sexy poll. To call her a tart is like calling Bush a raconteur; never going to fit. This was a woman who's defining news moment was getting a colonoscopy (albeit noble, but c'mon, we could've read about it and been equally impressed). Now maybe to some weirdo with an ass-cam fetish might think she's sexy but to most of America? I think not. And Les, face facts; you got screwed out of $15 million. You're never going to see that money pay off and your stockholders are going to burn you in effigy at the next meeting. Between her craptastic ratings, the Imus debacle and Survivor and CSI losing steam, you got problems.

Couric was a bad call boys. There are plenty of other women out there who could sell the news pounds better than an ex-morning show host who looks like a color commentator for a girl's gymnastics circuit. Can women give news the gravitas necessary? Christiane Amanpour for one does best wearing a flak jacket and could probably drink Brian Williams and Charlie Gibson under the table, do the news better and still drive them home to their mommies. Elizabeth Vargas was holding her own on ABC against the boys after her partner Bob Woodruff did a one-on-one interview with an IED in Iraq.

But there is use for Katie Couric in all of this; she could give workshops to the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney on how to be on TV everyday and have nobody really care.