Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Does it make a "poof!" sound when it explodes?

So it appears that the fiendishly innovative military-industrial complex hit another low note in the mid-90's with funding and a plan to create what can only be described as a "gay bomb".

A Berkeley watchdog group recently uncovered that an Ohio Air Force lab got serious consideration and $7.5 million to create a "non-lethal" chemical weapon that could be dispatched to smother enemy combatants in aphrodisiacs and pheromones that would drive them into the arms and asses of their foxhole mates (pow-zing!). Now the money that was spent on things like Castro's depilatory cigar and kamikaze dolphins was intelligently apportioned and sorely needed to secure our place in the world; but a bomb designed to make men gay and too sissified to fight? That there boys is thinking out of the box (rimshot please), as it were.

But as usual, history was overlooked and the Pentagon luckily avoided the potential shit storm they could've unleashed by turning an enemy army gay. Considering some of the most accomplished and fiercest ass-kickers of all time (Alexander the Great, T.E. Lawrence, Richard the Lionhearted) were gay or at least partial to the male form in some recreational sense. Plus, if the wind shifted and blew our soldiers, pardon me, blew towards our soldiers we'd have an even bigger problem considering the DOD's definition of homosexuality as a "disorder". Then again, the army handled the gay arabic translator thing so well.


1 comment:

Sharon said...

"idiots" hear,hear.