It came to our attention last night that one of our senior writers here at the Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad is apparently the current paramour of jail bird Paris Hilton. We confronted him about using company equipment to communicate with a criminal and he claimed it was all for the blog; in turn, he handed over some of the most recent correspondence.
I know this may shock you, but I love you. Not like I love Crist my saveeor (sp?) but I loveyou liek no other guy I've been with. Being in prisin makes me want you more.
I know you make fun of me on your blog to make people think your cool and all but I know that you really want me just like I want you. You think by being all tough and pertending you think I'm a slut willmake me want you. Well your rite, I do.
Prison is tough and the food sucks and total skanky crackwhores try to watch me shower. They all yell mean things to me but I know there all jealous. I'll be out of here and back in Vegas with you dancing and drinking and patying so hard. I cant wait, because I like so want to tell you about all the reading I'm doing, not just the bible but things like thick books with totally tiny letters.
I'm going to go now, stay studly and kiss my picture every night like I do.