Worst Day for Republicans...everokay, maybe the Lincoln thing was worse but c'mon

Super Tuesday served up the requisite surprises on both fronts: Obama surged to the point where Hillary is now positioning herself as the underdog and the Democratic race is on a trajectory that will possibly lead to to a deathmatch at a brokered convention. John McCain's national showing cinched his ascension to likely GOP presidential nominee. And bookending that headline was the head-shaking shocker of Mike Huckabee's Forest Gump-like good fortune enabling him to end the night in much better shape than Mitt Romney.

So one would assume that the following day for at least two of these guys would be a good one. Well, you would assume wrong; this is the GOP of the 21st century after all.

Senator John McCain gets booed at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). When you can't impress your party's base, um, you have no base.

Mitt Romney decides to hang it up. Not because he burned through $35 million of his own cash and had nothing really to show for it, but because he was doing it for the good of the party. So now we can add rationalizing sour grapes martyr to the list that includes moderate republican governor, faux-conservative presidential candidate and disingenuous jackass.

Hey Mike, you just won delegates in all the states that believe the earth is 6000 years old; what are you going to do now? Go on The Tyra Banks Show you say? What? Maury Povich and Dr. Phil were on hiatus?

Republican Debate Wrap-Up

So the cracker band got back together for the CNN Republican Debates last night; here's the 10-second wrap-up:

McCain: Still pushing the fiasco known affectionately as the surge, but actually defibrillated his campaign last night by breaking away from his handlers in one special moment as he passionately defended Hispanic immigrants who contribute both in the private and military sectors. In a few key moments he went back to looking like the bad-ass old silver back gorilla protecting his harem you see in National Geographic documentaries.

Giuliani: Fear-mongering one-trick-pony who kept pushing his tired line of Democrats being on the defensive with terror. Hey weren't you the guy running through the streets of lower Manhattan on the morning of September 11th with your crooked police chief because the command center you demanded be stationed in the World Trade Center was a smoking pile of chalk? Yeah, I thought so. Plus, God took a whack at him with a lightning strike during an abortion question. Nature wins with an impeccable sense of comedic timing.

Romney: Smug, self-righteous, rehearsed and completely unable to be extemporaneous given the opportunity. This guy poops with a consultant. How I wish someone would've asked Mr. "Double [the size of] Guantanamo" about the Hamdan case being thrown out.

Thompson: What the hell is with your hair man?! Fire your stylist and start using real product and not henna and a fish comb to coif that pile of straw.

Tancredo: Bigot, Xenophobe and a little queenie if you ask me. Literally proposed shutting down the borders for an undetermined period of time for a "time-out" on all immigrants legal and illegal. Apparently he didn't finish his proposal concerning using the steel in the Statue of Liberty to build his border fence. His slogan should be "Vote Hate in 08".

Hunter: Likes nukes, hates Iranians, you do the math.

Brownback: Pious, goofy and states that we're the greatest country in the world because we value life. Oh, the reckless genocide and wanton destruction in places like Sweden.

Huckabee: Pious, goofy and states that we're the greatest country in the world because we value life. Oh, the reckless genocide and wanton destruction in places like Sweden. Seriously, not a typo; he and Brownback might as well get a room and make their love for all things 18th century official.

Paul: He described himself as a "Champion of the Constitution" and a lot of people clapped. Once again served as the sensible conservative sage who did not hesitate to call "bullshit" on his colleagues. Likened the Iraq strategy to a disease that was being improperly treated. Nice touch doctor.

Gilmore: The Chris Dodd of the GOP field

Fred Thompson: Boo!

On Notice

These people not only annoy us, but frighten us as well - Republican Presidential candidate/chameleon-like charm cyborg, Mitt Romney and Psychotic Jesus-Freak/Evangelical power-broker, Pat Robertson

"A very polished performer"

Yesterday, Mitt Romney was on ThisWeek with George Stephanopoulos and let me tell you, this guy is slicker than goose shit sliding down a tin horn. He's handsome, devout, married to a beautiful wife who has given him five strapping sons and he's had both a very lucrative private career and successful public career. He looks like he was plucked from central casting for a movie about the President. Except this movie is about the perfect president who at night slips away to the confines of a secret lab where his face plate is popped open and his circuitry and programming are modified.

One of my first choices for "fantasy dinner guest"; George Will, coolly dismissed Romney as a "very polished performer"; high praise indeed. In 2006 Romney got all his ducks in a row to run for president. He changed his views on abortion (then: pro-choice/now: pro-life), signed on for a life-long membership in the NRA and shuffled away from his earlier support of gay rights distancing him from any position that could offend the conservative base. It was recently reported in the Miami Herald that he was heckled at a campaign appearance by a man who accused him of being a "pretender" and "not knowing the Lord". Romney responded "One of the great things about this land is that we have people of different faiths and different religions, but we need to have a person of faith lead the country.'' The audience gave him a standing ovation. Case in point: the content of his answers to divisive questions are frighteningly calculated for a specific audience. One of the more revealing portions of his interview with George Stephanopoulos concerned gays in the military:

Stephanopoulos: That current policy [Don't Ask, Don't Tell] labels homosexuality as a defect. Is that what you believe?

Mitt Romney: You know, I'm not going to suggest that I'm in any way a psychologist. That's a decision a psychologist would have to tell you and I'm not going to weigh in on that.

Granted, this is not an election issue, but it speaks volumes about a man running for president in the 21st century. The fact that he will not "weigh in" by declaring the Department of Defense's definition of homosexuality as medieval is repugnant and that you need a "psychologist" to make a determination on gayness is ludicrous as well. Take a look at the interview or better yet, read the transcript. It's an illuminating look at a candidate who appears to be changing tack to catch the hot air of far right social conservatives.

Oh yeah, and now McCain wants to overturn Roe vs. Wade. Are the Republicans so hell bent on giving it away to the Democrats in '08 that Giuliani the only choice for centrists, much less secular libertarians? Okay, now back to the comedy.