Thursday, January 17, 2008

Top 10 Reasons to vote for Mike Huckabee

Presidential candidates are nothing more than the epitome of insincerity and subterfuge. They're festooned in poll-driven talking-points and surround themselves with sycophants and operatives who want nothing more than to feather their own nests through association. But this year, we have been blessed. As if the prayers of the faithful have been answered. A candidate has risen from the muck who not only lives his beliefs, but campaigns only on those beliefs. A man so resolute in his Christian devotion that he chooses not to saddled with superfluous and noisy distractions like science, logic and constitutional law. Mike Huckabee is such a man. Cerebral Itch has compiled a list of 10 compelling reasons why you should vote for Mike Huckabee. If you do not agree with those reasons you are more than welcome to vote for that Muslim Negro boy or the godless lesbian. Either way your soul will be prayed for. Now, onto the list:

  1. Mike Huckabee wants to amend the United States Constitution to "fit God's standards"
  2. Mike Huckabee has hired forward-thinking James Pinkerton as a senior adviser for policy and strategic messaging. Pinkerton once suggested "put a cop in front of every mosque until I was completely satisfied nothing was going on there". He obviously cares for our well-being.
  3. Mike Huckabee does not believe in evolution
  4. Mike Huckabee enjoys the support of Chuck Norris
  5. He is a bass player in a rock band that has opened for Willie Nelson and Grand Funk Railroad
  6. Mike Huckabee vows to send all 12 million illegal immigrants back home
  7. Mike Huckabee has been morbidly obese and lost weight - just like those fine folks on the TV
  8. Mike Huckabee has ingrained true Christian beliefs in his son (or at least tried to until the whole dog hanging and handgun thing came about)
  9. Mike Huckabee's wife, Janet can lift cars and shaves with broken glass
  10. Mike Huckabee is an ordained Southern Baptist Minister from Arkansas- need we say more!

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