Thursday, September 06, 2007

Yes, but the muzzle of a .45 caliber doesn't taste as good. Plus, you might survive the gunshot

So once again some numb nuts broke the channel knob off of the Zenith console TV in the lunchroom and this time the channel that Ellen Degeneres' show is on was the one that was going to stay until someone found the goddamn needle-nose pliers. After lunch most of us were still loitering in the lunchroom because let's face it, we're on freakin' easy street with our t-shirts sellin' like hotcakes. So Ellen comes on and one of the guests is that old Paula Deen broad who has the cooking show that makes shit so fattening and disgusting she should be waking up every morning to piles of cash on her veranda secretly and gratefully delivered by cardiologists from all over the country. Case in point, today's recipe:

Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding with Butter Rum Sauce

2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
2 (4.5-ounce) cans fruit cocktail (undrained)
2 eggs, beaten
1 (9-ounce) box raisins
1 pinch salt
1 or 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
Butter Rum Sauce, recipe follows

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cube donuts into a large bowl. Pour other ingredients on top of donuts and let soak for a few minutes. Mix all ingredients together until donuts have soaked up the liquid as much as possible.
Bake for about 1 hour until center has jelled. Top with Butter Rum Sauce.

Butter Rum Sauce:
1 stick butter
1 pound box confectioners' sugar
Rum, to taste
Melt butter and slowly stir in confectioners' sugar. Add rum and heat until bubbly. Pour over each serving of Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding.

This woman cooks like a five-year-old given carte blanche by it's mother to throw anything they want into a bowl and bake it just to entertain the little shit on a rainy day. Most of us were stunned to the bejeezus that she was even being allowed to broadcast this trailer trash plaque factory in Pyrex. Veejay had to go puke when he saw the old lady tongue a stream of condensed milk Ellen poured into a mixing bowl. We convinced him that this was how lesbian porn starts and he better leave the room if he didn't want to have to wash his eyes out with bleach.

The funniest part was when Silvio our new intern said if he knew the end of the world was coming he'd make this concoction, wash it down with a 64oz tumbler of sour mash on ice and chain smoke a pack of Lucky Strikes all while being serviced by a midget platinum blonde hermaphroditic prostitute. This was funny for two reasons actually: one, we didn't even know Silvio could speak English and two, it made Veejay puke again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm glad to hear Silvio is working out for you. Usually I don't take cash to make personnel recommendations but those $100 bills he is printing are good enough to pass.

His English is fine, but he's like your autistic brother Maurice & unlike you. He only talks when he has something to say.

The Commodore

PS Say hi to Maurice too.