Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Cerebral Itch Handy Hints #214: There is a wrong way and a right way to get tasered

First Amendment rights aside, if you plan to be a loudmouth schmuck for the benefit of your Webpage and scoring chicks at the next WarCraft convention, don't beg and scream like a sissy-boy having a tickle fit when you discover as a result of your tomfoolery, you're about to meet the business end of a taser. We've all seen it, but damn it it's still funny to see jumpy campus cops jackboot this doughy attention-whore - roll-it!

So that's not how you want to be seen when you get defibrillated against your will. Simply, screaming several octaves higher than Lisa Simpson will not get you laid or coalesce the sympathies of civil libertarians. With that said we would like to compare and contrast the following on how one should instigate and receive a Taser shot - roll-it!

Case in point, if you're going to be belligerent and piss off cops, you do so with bravado and hyperbolic threats. Requesting that the officers let loose the police dog so you can "box him" is a master stroke. Refusing to unclench your fists and standing your ground when you hear the officer request that a junior officer come over and release the taser from their holster is another balls of steel move. Despite this gentleman's immediate attitude reversal as a result of being lit-up like a Tesla coil, he still gets high marks for taking more than two jolts which will most assuredly get you the respect of your drunk tank mates.

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