Somebody got kicked off American Idol and it wasn't the hermaphrodite

Okay, let's make this quick: the big-boned boring rocker chick got the boot. Haley Scarnato holds on by stealing a page from Antonella Barba's Handbook for Whores, showing off her fine Wessonality legs. Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, Sanjaya sails through yet again. The Josh Groban of jazz standards, Michael Buble stepped in for an "ailing" Tony Bennet; which translates into Tony had a brief moment of lucidity and realized what his people signed him up for and came down with the "flu" resulting in respectable crooner Harry Connick Jr. telling panicked Idol producers to "go f*ck themselves - my career ain't in the shitter" when asked to fill in. Buble was reportedly found in a hotel lounge off of LaBrea. In a futile effort to sober him up, he simultaneously received an ice-tub plunge and a coffee colonic then was quickly shoved on stage.

There, I just saved you some space on your Tivo.