Sunday, April 01, 2007

CEREBRAL ITCH CEASES OPERATIONS

News Alert - San Diego, CA
Cerebral Itch, Inc. issued a statement earlier this morning announcing that at noon today (PST) all operations pertaining to greeting cards will cease. Cerebral Itch has contacted retailers explaining this decision and demanding that all Cerebral Itch greeting cards be either destroyed or returned to Cerebral Itch offices immediately.

"This was actually an easy decision.” stated Paul Chamberlain, Creative Director and Founder of Cerebral Itch. “It was a personal one and one that was made out of knowing what is right purely by the divine guidance of my lord and personal savior, Jesus Christ." Mr. Chamberlain continued to explain that he and his wife now realize that their cards are “distasteful, inappropriate" and do nothing to contribute to the evangelical Christian beliefs they now stringently adhere to. The Chamberlains will be taking an immediate sabbatical that will include teaching extension classes in biblical humor at Oral Roberts University and vacationing in the Ozarks with Joel Osteen and his family.

The business direction of Cerebral Itch is unknown at this point, but some industry analysts believe that this new development will lead to even more profits by the successful card company if they choose to set their sites on the Evangelical Christian population in the U.S.

2 comments:

iltsurf said...

Too late, you're already going to hell...the damage is done!

Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed you didn't do a spoof "April Fools" post like all the other sites.

I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new Fundamentalist card-writing overlords!

The Commodore