Saturday, February 09, 2008

It's all about the inches baby

So a poll in the U.K. recently discovered that nearly half of British men surveyed would forgo six months of sex in exchange for a 50-inch flatscreen. I think it's safe to assume that their American brethren would find that a fair trade as well.

Cerebral Itch exhaustively scoured the results and applied it's unassailable experience with sex and flatscreens to find out how 1000 men came to trade in their wankers for wide-screen. We came to the following conclusions:

  • The men were considerably ugly and probably weren't going to get laid anytime soon, so a big TV could help them pass the time
  • The men were involved in a relationship with someone physically repulsive as them, so a big TV could be a fine reprieve
  • Looking at smoking-hot porn in life-size high resolution was far superior to their actual sex lives
  • A TV comes with a mute button
However, the results plummeted dramatically when the word "sex" was replaced with "masturbation" (okay, we made up that last part; but you know it's true)

1 comment:

Sharon said...

My first response was ‘losers’...then I remembered my brother shops at Comet and has a flat screen TV!