Unofficial Cerebral Itch Hometown Hero:Steve Ryan

We don't even go down to Fremont Street without the appropriate shots and infection control precautions, but when you're a reporter trying to build your reel for the network boys, you do what ya' gotta' do.

Steve Ryan of the Las Vegas ABC affiliate went down to the visored esplanade of shit, otherwise known as Fremont Street to do a little piece on the Jacko/Vegas connection (I know, weak). Cue the man-boob saddled lout hell-bent on fucking up Ryan's remote. After a few passes in front of the camera, Ryan helps Fatty Arbuckle out by bitch-slapping him on what has now become a national YouTube fave - most notably, seen tonight on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

We heartily endorse dismissing things like composure when a drunk fat white guy is screwing with your gig. We're just sad Ryan wasn't carrying pepper spray or a tazer. Now that would've been funny watching Curly writhing on the ground as Ryan motioned to the cameraman to get a close up of that. Well, we can dream.

Here's to you Steve Ryan! Your free "Kiss My Ass" t-shirt is waiting for you.

Behold - the first Cerebral Itch e-card iPhone app has risen...it has risen indeed

That's right people! We have officially joined the big leagues and went and built ourselves an iPhone app loaded with our e-cards. It was officially approved by Apple last Friday and it is now for sale on iTunes.

As we said, this is the first of many more apps to come out of our new division, Powered by Cerebral Itch. Later this month an uncensored version complete with everyone's favorite saucy cards will be for sale. Side note: Apple sh*tcanned that version last month so we went back to the drawing board, stripped the app of all things we felt the corporate tight-asses would deem offensive and created "kleen-cards - the sanitized version"; apparently it worked.

So here are the details:

We're Back! The Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad Staff has been reunited!

I suppose apologies are in order.

Just like all stories of infidelity, they must begin with a chance meeting that accelerates into a torrid pleasure-fest where both parties ego's are being fed by paper-thin affections and co-dependence. And that was essentially us with the whole "Viva Chuck Todd" and "Viva Rachel Maddow" thing. If you have no idea what we're talking about, consider yourself lucky. For the lucky ones, we'll recap: Last year during the heat of the historic and wacky election season we thought it would be funny to start up a fansite for the doughy and intellectually alluring NBC Political Director, Chuck Todd. Well, somewhere around Memorial Day weekend 2008, MSNBC's morning show, Morning Joe picked us up and plastered the damn site all over the TV = massive traffic. Then Tim Russert died and because Chuck Todd was his Padawan, we got shit-hammered again on the traffic. Anyway, to make a long story short, we thought we'd hit a gravy train and could ride this sucker for all it was worth through election day and come out the other end lightin' cigars with $100 bills. We even went to Denver for the Democratic National Convention to meet these peeps and started a goddamn Chuck Todd fan club on our own dime.

Boy, is my ass sore.

Nothing came of our efforts (blogs, merchandise, e-cards, etc.) and at the end of the day we were maintaining three blogs while trying to get Cerebral Itch to turn a profit. Talk about taking your eye off the ball.

So here's the deal: No more Chuck Todd, no more Rachel Maddow, No more MSNBC. We're all about Cerebral Itch, riffing on pop culture and trying to get Veejay laid.

So with that said, we're sorry and we're back.