Cerebral Itch Valentine's Day Card and Wine Label Sale

In honor of romance in a crappy economy, we went and dropped the price of our Valentine's Day greeting cards and wine labels to $2.95 each (down from tree fiddy). There's stuff for lovers, for singles and downright bitter people who think this holiday is a joke (and those are the ones that get invited to Cerebral Itch functions).

And we know we've said this before, but if this isn't some of the best schwag we've ever created then we just aren't the sexy funny mofos we think we are.

ZOINKS! They do what?!

Juvenile? Yes. Hilarious? Oh yeah.

Asshole

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Samuel Johnson (1709–84)

You claim that history will judge you in a fairer light. With that said, I promise you Mr. President that I will remind my children, and my children's children that I survived the worst president in our country's history. Which I might add, was no small feat with you at the helm.

Go away and prepare to be haunted by the ghosts you made.

I apologize in advance to those who might be offended by the following - technically known as "those who have a stick up their ass"

Don't feel bad if at the end of this video (granted, if you can see through your tears of laughter) you covet a balloon animal's life.

RIP: Ricardo Montalban 1920-2008

May we all raise a glass to the best Star Trek villain ever, the consummate island host and the smoothest Latino leading man of the past century. Vaya con dios Ricardo, vaya con dios.

Hot Dandy! Blogojevich Balls are now for sale

If this country didn't have a sense of humor it would stick it's head in an oven.

God bless the artists

The Chicago Tribune picked our wine labels for their holiday entertaining guide

And yet again, we're referred to as "snarky".

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Those hilarious bastards over at The Onion humble me.

Shrinkage is the least of his worries

New year's skier in Vail - read about this hell here

What the hell did CNN expect?

Nonetheless, it is a classic retort.