Dick, Dick and oooh - yum! Dick!

Today was a big day for contrition. Alberto Gonzales said "adios" and reminisced on his humble beginnings and his blessed ascent to presidential shill and high-profile forgetful retard. Michael Vick announced he has found Christ as a result of his helping dogs meet God via his Krakow kennels. And late in the day, Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) tried to clear up the misunderstanding surrounding his intentions in a bathroom stall at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport where a police report states he was looking for some companionship in the form of a, well, a penis.

A rough day all around for the rest of us who look for reasons to go on. We were pretty much reminded before dinner time how fucked-up we as a society truly are. Gonzales oversaw 49 justice and law enforcement agencies with moral vapidity and the intellectual acumen of a Kinko's employees (apologies to Kinko's employees, but you know it's true). Vick has been paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million since 2000 and used a portion of that to house, torture and kill dogs while laughing and sipping Cristal with his buddies. The Senior Senator from Idaho has been a fierce supporter of President Bush on immigration and energy issues and felt that parts of New Orleans should be condemned after Katrina. He also holds his moral beliefs close as he voted against cloture on a bill in 2002, which would have extended the federal definition of hate crimes to cover sexual orientation even though he cruises airport bathrooms for something other than fragrant foaming hand soap.

Let us all raise a glass in celebrating the fall of these morons who believe they can operate above us. Then again, a reminder to all of those "above us"; keep doing what you're doing because watching you fall is spectacular.

We loves the pooches

Over the weekend in Colorado, Zoey the Chihuahua took one (actually several) for our team. It turns out that Zoey's owner has a one-year-old grandkid that was splashing around in a bird bath when a rattlesnake appeared on the scene and attempted to strike the kid. Enter Zoey who got in between the kid and the snake and went all Riki-Tiki-Tavi on the reptile and absorbed several bites while saving the toddler.

For a while it didn't look like Zoey was going to make it, but she pulled through and has issued a statement that when she is fully recovered she would like to hand Michael Vick his balls after she has chewed them like an old sock.

Fantasy Obit: Michael Vick

This waste of space needs to be put down.

As if the world isn't filled with enough blatant disregard for life, this functionally illiterate monster made a lucrative little hobby out of it. Recently indicted for running a dogfighting operation, Michael Vick will see the inside of a courtroom and will probably get a fine that will dent his bank account to the extent where he won't be able to get new rims for six Escalades; but the secondary accessory to the crime is the NFL.

If this guy shows up on the Falcon's roster this coming season, there will be hell to pay. Follow this link to send a letter to the NFL telling them to suspend Vick. Double your wrath and visit the Humane Society web page dedicated to this issue and join their denouncement of the NFL for not suspending this criminal immediately.