I'll see your Thompson and raise you a Bloomberg

The '08 campaign malaise that the pundits have been promising for months appears to have arrived. Obama can't knock that sense of entitlement smirk off Hillary's face and GOP broken leg warhorse McCain will be lunching with his historical bridesmaid doppelgängers Dewey, Goldwater and Humphrey when he takes up residence in heaven. It's beginning to get sad.

Apparently one of the symptoms of this malaise manifested itself in the adoration of one Fred Thompson. This brings to mind the classic Ancient Mariner quote: “Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink”. The Republican base is so desperate and indifferent to the current cast of phalluses that they'll drink in this actor/lobbyist/shill much to their peril. The Democrats reek of the same desperation except they'll hold off from drinking salt water because they see fresh water in the form of Al Gore on the horizon.

Add one more savior-to-be to the list: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. In a recent appearance at the Google campus he let loose on Washington D.C. and did not mince words concerning the state of the union. “Really in trouble" is how he sees the US and its perception abroad. And who can disagree? Well, apparently 19% according to the latest poll, but then again those people are just plain giddy right now since the Creation Museum opened. Bloomberg is starting to be looked at very closely by the media and so far they like what they see. He's a self-made billionaire, doesn't give a rat's ass about Washington and is socially liberal. Oh, and he's got an approval rating of 74% in one of the toughest and richest cities in the world that continues to strengthen.

We've dreamt of people who might do well in the Oval Office and make us feel like we'd have a better shot at the future (Kennedy, Cuomo, and Powell) only to be disappointed and left to vote for the lesser of evils. Bloomberg has an impressive private and public sector record that may be the fresh water educated centrist libertarians so crave. Could Bloomberg be a potential independent candidate? Possibly. Qualified? Undoubtedly.

Wait, I forgot about Evangelical Christians and the Electoral College. Forget everything I've just said.

Aye Poppy

So the old Kissinger bon mot, "power is the greatest aphrodisiac" gets some more life pumped into it thanks to former Tennessee Republican senator and apparent blue pill popper, Fred Thompson.

The young lady pictured with him is his wife Jeri. She's 40 and four years younger than his own daughter. Call me crazy, but she might be a tad out of uncle saggy chops league if he was maybe an insurance salesman (no disrespect to insurance salesman, but if you have a wife that hot, prove me wrong) and not some smooth-talkin' good ol' boy who made ridiculous cash being a D.C. lobbyist and a character actor.

This brings to mind the legions of pundits who say Fred Thompson may be the Reagan-esque candidate that can save the Republican party from itself and the band of asshats currently raising cash under the banner of a presidential campaign. With that said, I really don't think the conservative base is going to go for a trophy wife; just a guess. But please feel free red states, if you do pick Mr. and Mrs. Thompson to run it'll wipe half the sordid crap off of every English-speaking tabloid for a good year and a half.

Maybe she loves him dearly and they both embrace the winds that blow their May-December sails, but for chrissake Fred wipe that goddamn smirk off of your face every time you're around her you smug son of a bitch. We know you scored, but remember you have a prostate you could crack hazel nuts on and the pool boy will always have a six-pack.