The "Scotch Korean" Starburst Commercial

If any of you think you're funny, watch this and realize just how far you have to go up the funny ladder to get close to the pinnacle of hilarity this Starburst commercial achieves.

Fantasy Obit: Jon Gosselin

I mean really, now that he's hosted a Vegas pool party and given his eight kids a legacy to be ashamed of, what else does this doughy putz have to live for.

The Two Most Unforgettable Movie Performances this Summer

Despite their characters coming from profoundly differently genres, the two most unforgettable performances from this summer's crop of movies did have two things in common: hideous appendages and jaw-dropping talent.


Mr. Leslie Chow (The Hangover)

While Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper and of course, Zach Galifianakis were made stars from The Hangover, and rightly so; Ken Jeong owned his scenes and eclipsed his co-stars while giving hands-down, the most hilarious performance of the summer. From the first moment his gay Chinese Vegas gangster literally burst onto the screen with that tiny penis, the femme wave of his hand and delivery of what should be the newest addition to the pantheon of famous movie goodbyes: "toodaloo mutha fucka" - you knew you were watching timeless comedy gold.

Wikus Van De Merwe (District 9)

His name is Sharlto Copely. Remember it, because you will see it at Oscar time as a nominee for best actor. District 9 is probably one of the best science fiction movies since Alien because it is so much more than science fiction. It has allegories befitting Shakespeare and filmmaking that deftly jetés between documentary style and back behind the fourth wall all while you have this man delivering nothing but complex performances that range from bumbling incompetence to heroic pathos. The entertainment press states he has no acting experience whatsoever, which must really piss off those who do knowing they could never come close to the job this guy did.

Really Google?!

On the day of a Kennedy memorial plus two wars, a cantankerous national health care debate and an educational system in free-fall; you give your hallowed masthead to a sexually notorious narcotics-addled man-boy killed by a Vegas quack who enabled a tragic addiction? Bad call kids, bad call.

I think I may bookmark Bing.

Cerebral Itch makes hilariously ribald Vegas-themed e-cards

There's 18 of'em and frankly, they're some of our best.

If you've ever been to Vegas, planning a trip to Vegas or been arrested there, then these e-cards are for you. And unlike the notorious marketing chestnut, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". We would very much like for these e-cards to leave Vegas and be shared en masse; sort of like compromising photographs and chlamydia. You can find them here.

Beat down

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 1
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

Watch the above and read this. Then thank god for Jon Stewart sticking it to the small-brained obfuscators when no one else in front of a camera will.

Social Media factoids that'll trip you out

While some of the figures in this compelling presentation are dubious (Amazon/Kindle puh-leeze), one still cannot deny the anecdotal and ubiquitous evidence that we may in fact be in the midst of societal change similar in scope to that of the Industrial Revolution.

Gold is no longer found in California rivers and South African caves but now on the web and our cell phones courtesy of the desire to connect with each other. And to that I say, OMG.

Senator Edward Kennedy, RIP

Say what you will, nobody fought harder and with more sincerity and conviction than this man. The last of a family whose sole purpose was serving the public and giving back regardless of their station.

Morons in their natural habitat

Take it away Arizona State Senator Sylvia Allen (R)...

and now Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade...

It used to be witty firebrands like Lenny Bruce and Gore Vidal who skirted the peripheries of the First Amendment. Now elected creationist dipshits and Fox News mouth-breathers are the ones who currently test the concept of free speech by simply being functionally illiterate and having access to a microphone.

Stunning. Absolutely stunning.

Michael Jackson: Let us RIP...please

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I am by no stretch a fan of either of these pugnacious blowhards, but damn it if Donny Deutsch doesn't hit it on the head. This isn't about Jackson anymore, it's about the displaced affection of millions for someone who was mentally unbalanced and tragic.

He was no philanthopist of note by the standards set by some of his generation. Nor was he an activist in comparison to others in his industry. As evidenced today in a spectacle tantamount to deification (to take a page from Mr. Deutsch's polemic), he was an eccentric and quintessentially unique performer who gave friends and associates fond memories that none of us will ever experience. We learned from his daughter, as irony would have it, he apparently was a good father; and damn well he should be after dangling an infant out a window.

With that said, please go away Jackson brood and accompanying sycophants. Bathe yourself in disputed royalties and grant Michael a peace long deserved. Take your legal fights to the shadows and let us remember him for the one gift he gave us... Some really good tunes.

Happy Fourth of July!

Farah and Michael my ass...Heaven itself wept when these two geniuses left us.

Have a happy and safe Fourth from Cerebral Itch

Unofficial Cerebral Itch Hometown Hero:Steve Ryan

We don't even go down to Fremont Street without the appropriate shots and infection control precautions, but when you're a reporter trying to build your reel for the network boys, you do what ya' gotta' do.

Steve Ryan of the Las Vegas ABC affiliate went down to the visored esplanade of shit, otherwise known as Fremont Street to do a little piece on the Jacko/Vegas connection (I know, weak). Cue the man-boob saddled lout hell-bent on fucking up Ryan's remote. After a few passes in front of the camera, Ryan helps Fatty Arbuckle out by bitch-slapping him on what has now become a national YouTube fave - most notably, seen tonight on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

We heartily endorse dismissing things like composure when a drunk fat white guy is screwing with your gig. We're just sad Ryan wasn't carrying pepper spray or a tazer. Now that would've been funny watching Curly writhing on the ground as Ryan motioned to the cameraman to get a close up of that. Well, we can dream.

Here's to you Steve Ryan! Your free "Kiss My Ass" t-shirt is waiting for you.

Behold - the first Cerebral Itch e-card iPhone app has risen...it has risen indeed

That's right people! We have officially joined the big leagues and went and built ourselves an iPhone app loaded with our e-cards. It was officially approved by Apple last Friday and it is now for sale on iTunes.

As we said, this is the first of many more apps to come out of our new division, Powered by Cerebral Itch. Later this month an uncensored version complete with everyone's favorite saucy cards will be for sale. Side note: Apple sh*tcanned that version last month so we went back to the drawing board, stripped the app of all things we felt the corporate tight-asses would deem offensive and created "kleen-cards - the sanitized version"; apparently it worked.

So here are the details:

We're Back! The Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad Staff has been reunited!

I suppose apologies are in order.

Just like all stories of infidelity, they must begin with a chance meeting that accelerates into a torrid pleasure-fest where both parties ego's are being fed by paper-thin affections and co-dependence. And that was essentially us with the whole "Viva Chuck Todd" and "Viva Rachel Maddow" thing. If you have no idea what we're talking about, consider yourself lucky. For the lucky ones, we'll recap: Last year during the heat of the historic and wacky election season we thought it would be funny to start up a fansite for the doughy and intellectually alluring NBC Political Director, Chuck Todd. Well, somewhere around Memorial Day weekend 2008, MSNBC's morning show, Morning Joe picked us up and plastered the damn site all over the TV = massive traffic. Then Tim Russert died and because Chuck Todd was his Padawan, we got shit-hammered again on the traffic. Anyway, to make a long story short, we thought we'd hit a gravy train and could ride this sucker for all it was worth through election day and come out the other end lightin' cigars with $100 bills. We even went to Denver for the Democratic National Convention to meet these peeps and started a goddamn Chuck Todd fan club on our own dime.

Boy, is my ass sore.

Nothing came of our efforts (blogs, merchandise, e-cards, etc.) and at the end of the day we were maintaining three blogs while trying to get Cerebral Itch to turn a profit. Talk about taking your eye off the ball.

So here's the deal: No more Chuck Todd, no more Rachel Maddow, No more MSNBC. We're all about Cerebral Itch, riffing on pop culture and trying to get Veejay laid.

So with that said, we're sorry and we're back.

Swine Flu Sale

Far be it from us to not capitalize on a global event. Hell, if we had a card we could connect with Susan Boyle and make a sale, we'd do it in a hot second. Seriously though, this is one of our most popular cards and now thanks to the ruthless efficiency of opportunistic viruses leaping species, this card is now on sale for a buck.

Okay, that's it for tonight. We have to pack for an early morning plane flight to Oaxaca. You would not believe the sweet deal we got.