Not to be confused with MENSA Fever

Alright, I know that singling out one piece of detritus from the television landscape to berate is about as futile as trying to find panties at Lindsay Lohan's. But there is one program so heinous and moronic it has to be recognized. It is MTV's Maui Fever - a half-hour dirty needle of a show that features a group of 20-something friends living on Maui. Here's the show in a nutshell: the guys are smooth-brained surf bums with the prime directive of bagging tourist chicks hours before they leave the island to avoid blowback and their female sidekicks are hair-twirling dime-store diva bitches who probably took their SAT's with eyeliner pencil. That's it; I kid you not.

There are three reasons this show needs to end: One, these people are breathing our air and that certainly has to stop. Two, there are no Hawaiians on the permanent cast. Hat's off to you MTV for stoking the already tense racial situation in Hawaii between locals (native Hawaiians) and haoles (Caucasians). Three, Maui is shown in a rather unflattering light with absolutely no attention given to the culture and the history. Yeah, I know it's an MTV show and not the Discovery Channel, but for crisake make an effort to do something mildly redeeming if you're going to use one of the most beautiful places on Earth with a proud people trying to save their rich heritage as your backdrop for a Laguna Beach knockoff.

Okay, I'm done. You know where I stand. Now I have to go yell at some punk kids to get off my lawn.