The John McCain glossary

The political team here at Cerebral Itch have been living and breathing this presidential campaign since 2004. A veritable full-bodied immersion into the vagaries of political discourse, politicking and promises. What one is left with after such an experience is the keen ability to hear words and pluck their true meaning from the superficial and rhetorical cacophony. This acquired ability has led to part one of a series in which we will provide you, the reader, a glossary that will allow you to see beyond each candidate's oft used phrasing and colorful prose. Our first candidate we will be examining - Senator John McCain (R-AZ):

Actual Quote: "I look forward to a lively and spirited debate"
Actual Meaning: "If they just look at me sideways, I'll sail over the table and stab my opponent in the neck with my f#@king pen"

Actual Quote: "My friends,"
Actual Meaning: "God I hate giving speeches to you know-nothing backward-ass Jesus freaks - but here I go,"

Actual Quote: "In/With all due respect
Actual Meaning: "Kiss my ass you civilian punk"

Actual Quote: "I respect Mr. Limbaugh"
Actual Meaning: "I hope that bloated carcass is found face down in his shower"

Actual Quote: "I am fired up and ready to go!"
Actual Meaning: "I now have the same team of re-animators that have kept Dick Cheney alive for the past seven years on my staff"

Actual Quote: "bomb, bomb, bomb -bomb, bomb Iran"
Actual Meaning: "bomb, bomb, bomb -bomb, bomb Iran" or "Oh sweet Jesus, I cannot wait to vaporize that country into a f#@cking glass bowl"