The Cerebral Itch Blog

Some Christmas Science from Cerebral Itch

2011-12-25T00:15:00.000-08:00

There's some stuff we need to clear up. Wait till you see the card about Jesus next year.

Free Cerebral Itch Christmas e-cards for you cheap procrastinating bastards

2011-12-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

Just one of the many hilarious offerings we cooked up that have nothing to do with goodwill, Christian teachings or the promise of new beginnings. Yes Virginia, there are those who are as bitter as you.

Free Cerebral Itch Christmas e-cards can be found here.

Christmas tunes giving the gift of depression

2011-12-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, for sheer yule pathos it's hard to deny this little chestnut a place on your mantle of Christmas depression: Judy Garland singing "After the Holidays" on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Watching this force of nature near her booze-soaked end pleading to an imaginary lover who's about to bolt is a bummer on so many levels. The weepy piano tinkling at 1:58 with Judy mock reflecting on Christmases past make this the perfect viewing companion to your fourth straight-up glass of Christmas cheer in an empty room poorly illuminated by a dehydrated tree covered in lights you got at WalMart.

I'm just saying.

CEREBRAL ITCH INVESTIGATION EXCLUSIVE: Super-Villain Magneto runs for President!

2011-11-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

Pixar intro gone so, so very wrong

2010-04-11T22:54:00.000-07:00

We find this very funny. If you don't...go away.

"Tesla was the electric Jesus"Drunk history with Duncan Trussel

2010-04-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

There are creative people and then there are CREATIVE people who employ their friends, a camera, some serious production support and get shitfaced in order to bring history alive. Enjoy

Old Spice commercial montage with Terry Crews

2010-04-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

This stuff is genius. The only thing we recommend is that you crank your volume all the way up. It's a little hard to hear the audio on these.

Free iPad e-cards from Cerebral Itch

2010-04-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

So instead of shooting up an Apple store because were a trifle bitter about not having our own iPad to play with today, we decided to play with ourselves...wait...um...what we meant is that we designed nine new hilarious e-cards all about the iPad. And for all you iPad haters out there, these cards are decidedly pro-iPad. So take your shitty netbooks and go back to your room and wait for the Chrome tablet or better yet, that Windows thing.

If Saul Bass did the Star Wars Credits

2010-03-29T10:06:00.001-07:00

I know it's been around a while, but damn it, it's genius.

Books on paper? feh

2010-03-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

Take time to watch this clever presentation about the demise of publishing.

Remember, people of a certain time also thought talkies were going to ruin silent "cinema" and television was going to kill all preceding media. It's all about change and making information more robust. Check it:

Tron Legacy Trailer

2010-03-09T08:56:00.001-08:00

Sweet Jesus - this is going to be good.

The best Oscar acceptance speech ever.OSCARS 2010 Original Score Acceptance Speech by Michael Giacchino

2010-03-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

Find more videos like this on Soundtrack Fans

I've been a big fan of this man's work (most notably his work on The Incredibles) and now I am a fan of the man himself. His speech last night was not only one of humility and class, but one that celebrated his parents and most importantly, a child's creative spirit.

You know iTunes sucks when you can't find sweet cuts like this one

2010-03-05T13:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously, fire this up and drink in the fact these people have nuclear weapons.

The Cerebral Itch Valentine's Day iPhone app is now on Sale

2010-01-18T18:04:00.000-08:00

So we're really getting the hang of this app making thing. So much so, we just launched our latest e-card app for Valentine's Day. There are 28 cards to choose from and divided up amongst two themes: Single & Bitter and In Love & Delusional. Straight or gay, happy or sad you're bound to find a few e-cards that will make this sham of a holiday a bit more enjoyable.

New Holiday e-Cards for 2009 - some of our best

2009-12-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

Far be it from us to rest on our laurels; plus, far be it from us to not create some more yuletide hilarity while blasted on a little Christmas cheer. And don't worry, we're not stopping with polyorchidism-saddled elves, Santa ass-slapping and boobies. Oh no, we're just getting warmed up for the season.

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

2009-11-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

Interstellar debris could really spruce the place up; I'm just sayin'.

"We got hosed"

2009-11-21T00:00:00.001-08:00

The most factual (and hysterical) historical re-enactment of Thanksgiving you're ever going to see; courtesy of our unwitting youth.

Jesus, those pre-colonial crackers were bastards.

Polanksi - Chris Hansen Mash Up - God bless the Internets

2009-10-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

Man, that little weasel is so screwed.

Who knew it was this easy to tighten your vagina

2009-10-03T21:22:00.000-07:00

Look, it's Saturday night and I've been hitting the rosé - You click on one trashy banner ad you click on them all.

Well, there was this one that said "unleash your true sexual being". I'm thinking "what the hell - The wife's got a cold, it's Saturday night, I'll double down on that" and bingo! I hit the comedy jackpot.

Apparently there's this product that every sexually active male should be buying by the stone and keeping handy in the nightstand. Thanks to the Nobel Laureates over at St. Botanica, the loose vagina is no longer destined to be the butt of jokes (do I really need to point out that I combined "butt" and "vagina" in the same sentence?). Yes, according to their claims, they have concocted a tincture that will "help in Tighten and Restore the grip of Vagina" (I personally love that they elevate the vagina to a proper noun).

Rejoice Ladies, for there is an elixir that will do so much more than tighten and it is available for only $150 (12 tubes). The webpage for this product is a paper towel roll-long litany of claims that if true, I see St. Botanica banging out an AIDS and cancer cure in the next couple of weeks.

Personally, I think this kind of witchcraft is detestable. And girls, if truth be told, men think of vaginas like landings. Any one you can walk away from is a good one. Actually, if you can't walk away from the former, even better.

Greatest Facebook Quote ever...from my mother

2009-09-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

"Can't believe some of the silliness I see on the site from friends who i was glad to hear from, some I don't really care about - but now know why i didn't get in touch before. How do I get off of this site?"

Nature: the ultimate muse

2009-09-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

I heard of this a few weeks ago and finally got around to watching it. Beautiful.

You don't forget moments like this one

2009-09-11T06:32:00.001-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

September 11, 2001

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Healthcare Protests

CALL HIM!

2009-09-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

This backward disruptive turd needs to hear from all of us.

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC)
202-225-2452

To be filed under: "WTF!?"

2009-09-09T11:23:00.000-07:00

As far as I'm concerned Facebook lost it's cool quotient a while back. But when Bruegger's Bagels can score 3,321 fans on their page complete with happy wall posts ("Rosemary & Olive Oil Bagels are the best!) by providing no redeeming content, it officially becomes reason 437,863 on why Facebook should be put down. Porn Star Facebook pages? sure. Politics? of course. I'll even tip my hat to some lame Twilight fan page; but goddamn bagels? That's just sick.

The only thing that brings me off the ledge is that there is a Facebook-killer out there somewhere on some geek's staging server ready to be funded or found that will go nova and kill everyone's favorite blue-hued time suck; and with it, goes Bruegger's...justice

Behold America! I give you your new spokesmodel!

2009-09-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

So there was a local end-of-summer event this evening near the new Cerebral Itch offices; it promised good food, entertainment and fireworks. The venue is new and quite fetching. The Cerebral Itch family thought this lovely warm September evening would be a wonderful opportunity to venture out, be part of the community and risk some H1N1.

Well, it turned out to be an overcrowded fire marshal-hatin' cluster fuck of families and slow-moving food and beer lines. On the first recon lap of the joint, in a vain effort to try to find a place to sit, I come across the above family. I feign taking a picture of the building behind them so I can quickly drop the iPhone and snap a picture of this brood.

Now mind you, their appearance sadly was not all that different from a great majority of the people in attendance. What was so gripping about the scene was their absolute lack of self-awareness. Here they were in the middle of hundreds of people at dusk, still in their swimsuits, beached on concrete waiting for the band and the fireworks.

After the shallow and obvious comedy of the scene abated, the image of the boy stayed with me. I immediately saw him as a phenomenally accurate metaphor for our country right at this moment: Pubescent, fat, generally not that swift and shrouded in the flag in order to cover up shortcomings.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Okay Barry, let's get something straight here...

2009-09-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

I watched you in 2004 give that historic speech at the Democratic National Convention and agreed with the pundits that this young chap from Chicago may have a shot at higher office. I defended your victory in Iowa as more than a fluke and went all in and declared you to be a harbinger of things to come. I stood in 95 degree desert heat for four hours to see you and be part of a movement that endeavored to wrest this county back from an administration that had an agenda different from the dimension I lived in. I shed a tear that November night it was declared that you were the first on so many levels. The iconic poster emblazoned with "HOPE" still hangs in my office. My story is so common; shared by so many others who agonized on that long two year road that you might not make it. But damn it, you did. And the world smiled. Okay Alaska and Wyoming didn't, but everyone else did.

So many problems, so many fires to extinguish. I thought surely this will be daunting but well within the wheelhouse of Obama, Axelrod, Plouffe, Emanuel and Biden. They beat back Hillary and the GOP for God sake. But instead, seven months later...you golf.

Your policies are half-measures and compromises. Nothing smacks of a moon shot or cancer cure. I was ready to match my grandparents and give up silk stockings and steak for the cause. I was ready to do whatever was necessary to foment the lightning in a bottle of a senate majority and political capital not seen since FDR's third term. But yet, you flitter it away.

Ironically, your team branded politics. You made it fashionable. Most people bought posters and t-shirts of you not out of ideology, but a desire to be cool. You beat the Limbaughs, Becks and Bachmans back into the shadows and lighted the way for the secular and educated. But now, people either fall asleep or brandish weapons at anachronistic town hall meetings.

You disappoint me Mr. President.

Quit smiling. quit waving, quit golfing and quit looking like you're having so much goddamn fun being the President. Start continually reminding the obtuse Republicans literally who's boss. Tell Pelosi and that cadaver Reid to get in line or get the hell out of the way. Give us something bold. Cash for Clunkers is not a legacy. One term is a stigma and organic gardens are punchlines.

Quite frankly sir, we weren't hoping for this.

Cerebral Itch now makes "Bitter" e-cards - Yeah, we know, "what a stretch"

2009-09-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

One recession-soaked morning we had finally had enough. And, instead of shooting up a public gathering place we decided to channel our angst into the well-worn medium of e-cards. There's 12 of them and frankly they're hilarious if you like jokes about suicide, Jesus, barricaded snipers and Obama's innate ability to piss away a senate majority. Okay, we've said too much; just go check them out here.

The "Scotch Korean" Starburst Commercial

2009-09-02T03:44:00.000-07:00

If any of you think you're funny, watch this and realize just how far you have to go up the funny ladder to get close to the pinnacle of hilarity this Starburst commercial achieves.

Fantasy Obit: Jon Gosselin

2009-08-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

I mean really, now that he's hosted a Vegas pool party and given his eight kids a legacy to be ashamed of, what else does this doughy putz have to live for.

The Two Most Unforgettable Movie Performances this Summer

2009-08-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

Despite their characters coming from profoundly differently genres, the two most unforgettable performances from this summer's crop of movies did have two things in common: hideous appendages and jaw-dropping talent.

Mr. Leslie Chow (The Hangover)

While Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper and of course, Zach Galifianakis were made stars from The Hangover, and rightly so; Ken Jeong owned his scenes and eclipsed his co-stars while giving hands-down, the most hilarious performance of the summer. From the first moment his gay Chinese Vegas gangster literally burst onto the screen with that tiny penis, the femme wave of his hand and delivery of what should be the newest addition to the pantheon of famous movie goodbyes: "toodaloo mutha fucka" - you knew you were watching timeless comedy gold.

Wikus Van De Merwe (District 9)

His name is Sharlto Copely. Remember it, because you will see it at Oscar time as a nominee for best actor. District 9 is probably one of the best science fiction movies since Alien because it is so much more than science fiction. It has allegories befitting Shakespeare and filmmaking that deftly jetés between documentary style and back behind the fourth wall all while you have this man delivering nothing but complex performances that range from bumbling incompetence to heroic pathos. The entertainment press states he has no acting experience whatsoever, which must really piss off those who do knowing they could never come close to the job this guy did.

Really Google?!

2009-08-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

On the day of a Kennedy memorial plus two wars, a cantankerous national health care debate and an educational system in free-fall; you give your hallowed masthead to a sexually notorious narcotics-addled man-boy killed by a Vegas quack who enabled a tragic addiction? Bad call kids, bad call.

I think I may bookmark Bing.

Cerebral Itch makes hilariously ribald Vegas-themed e-cards

2009-08-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

There's 18 of'em and frankly, they're some of our best.

If you've ever been to Vegas, planning a trip to Vegas or been arrested there, then these e-cards are for you. And unlike the notorious marketing chestnut, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". We would very much like for these e-cards to leave Vegas and be shared en masse; sort of like compromising photographs and chlamydia. You can find them here.

Beat down

2009-08-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 1

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Healthcare Protests

Watch the above and read this. Then thank god for Jon Stewart sticking it to the small-brained obfuscators when no one else in front of a camera will.

Social Media factoids that'll trip you out

2009-08-26T21:13:00.001-07:00

While some of the figures in this compelling presentation are dubious (Amazon/Kindle puh-leeze), one still cannot deny the anecdotal and ubiquitous evidence that we may in fact be in the midst of societal change similar in scope to that of the Industrial Revolution.

Gold is no longer found in California rivers and South African caves but now on the web and our cell phones courtesy of the desire to connect with each other. And to that I say, OMG.

Senator Edward Kennedy, RIP

2009-08-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

Say what you will, nobody fought harder and with more sincerity and conviction than this man. The last of a family whose sole purpose was serving the public and giving back regardless of their station.

Morons in their natural habitat

2009-07-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Take it away Arizona State Senator Sylvia Allen (R)...

and now Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade...

It used to be witty firebrands like Lenny Bruce and Gore Vidal who skirted the peripheries of the First Amendment. Now elected creationist dipshits and Fox News mouth-breathers are the ones who currently test the concept of free speech by simply being functionally illiterate and having access to a microphone.

Stunning. Absolutely stunning.

Michael Jackson: Let us RIP...please

2009-07-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I am by no stretch a fan of either of these pugnacious blowhards, but damn it if Donny Deutsch doesn't hit it on the head. This isn't about Jackson anymore, it's about the displaced affection of millions for someone who was mentally unbalanced and tragic.

He was no philanthopist of note by the standards set by some of his generation. Nor was he an activist in comparison to others in his industry. As evidenced today in a spectacle tantamount to deification (to take a page from Mr. Deutsch's polemic), he was an eccentric and quintessentially unique performer who gave friends and associates fond memories that none of us will ever experience. We learned from his daughter, as irony would have it, he apparently was a good father; and damn well he should be after dangling an infant out a window.

With that said, please go away Jackson brood and accompanying sycophants. Bathe yourself in disputed royalties and grant Michael a peace long deserved. Take your legal fights to the shadows and let us remember him for the one gift he gave us... Some really good tunes.

Happy Fourth of July!

2009-07-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

Farah and Michael my ass...Heaven itself wept when these two geniuses left us.

Have a happy and safe Fourth from Cerebral Itch

Unofficial Cerebral Itch Hometown Hero:Steve Ryan

2009-06-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

We don't even go down to Fremont Street without the appropriate shots and infection control precautions, but when you're a reporter trying to build your reel for the network boys, you do what ya' gotta' do.

Steve Ryan of the Las Vegas ABC affiliate went down to the visored esplanade of shit, otherwise known as Fremont Street to do a little piece on the Jacko/Vegas connection (I know, weak). Cue the man-boob saddled lout hell-bent on fucking up Ryan's remote. After a few passes in front of the camera, Ryan helps Fatty Arbuckle out by bitch-slapping him on what has now become a national YouTube fave - most notably, seen tonight on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

We heartily endorse dismissing things like composure when a drunk fat white guy is screwing with your gig. We're just sad Ryan wasn't carrying pepper spray or a tazer. Now that would've been funny watching Curly writhing on the ground as Ryan motioned to the cameraman to get a close up of that. Well, we can dream.

Here's to you Steve Ryan! Your free "Kiss My Ass" t-shirt is waiting for you.

Behold - the first Cerebral Itch e-card iPhone app has risen...it has risen indeed

2009-06-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

That's right people! We have officially joined the big leagues and went and built ourselves an iPhone app loaded with our e-cards. It was officially approved by Apple last Friday and it is now for sale on iTunes.

As we said, this is the first of many more apps to come out of our new division, Powered by Cerebral Itch. Later this month an uncensored version complete with everyone's favorite saucy cards will be for sale. Side note: Apple sh*tcanned that version last month so we went back to the drawing board, stripped the app of all things we felt the corporate tight-asses would deem offensive and created "kleen-cards - the sanitized version"; apparently it worked.

So here are the details:

We're Back! The Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad Staff has been reunited!

2009-06-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

I suppose apologies are in order.

Just like all stories of infidelity, they must begin with a chance meeting that accelerates into a torrid pleasure-fest where both parties ego's are being fed by paper-thin affections and co-dependence. And that was essentially us with the whole "Viva Chuck Todd" and "Viva Rachel Maddow" thing. If you have no idea what we're talking about, consider yourself lucky. For the lucky ones, we'll recap: Last year during the heat of the historic and wacky election season we thought it would be funny to start up a fansite for the doughy and intellectually alluring NBC Political Director, Chuck Todd. Well, somewhere around Memorial Day weekend 2008, MSNBC's morning show, Morning Joe picked us up and plastered the damn site all over the TV = massive traffic. Then Tim Russert died and because Chuck Todd was his Padawan, we got shit-hammered again on the traffic. Anyway, to make a long story short, we thought we'd hit a gravy train and could ride this sucker for all it was worth through election day and come out the other end lightin' cigars with $100 bills. We even went to Denver for the Democratic National Convention to meet these peeps and started a goddamn Chuck Todd fan club on our own dime.

Boy, is my ass sore.

Nothing came of our efforts (blogs, merchandise, e-cards, etc.) and at the end of the day we were maintaining three blogs while trying to get Cerebral Itch to turn a profit. Talk about taking your eye off the ball.

So here's the deal: No more Chuck Todd, no more Rachel Maddow, No more MSNBC. We're all about Cerebral Itch, riffing on pop culture and trying to get Veejay laid.

So with that said, we're sorry and we're back.

Swine Flu Sale

2009-05-03T00:14:00.001-07:00

Far be it from us to not capitalize on a global event. Hell, if we had a card we could connect with Susan Boyle and make a sale, we'd do it in a hot second. Seriously though, this is one of our most popular cards and now thanks to the ruthless efficiency of opportunistic viruses leaping species, this card is now on sale for a buck.

Okay, that's it for tonight. We have to pack for an early morning plane flight to Oaxaca. You would not believe the sweet deal we got.

god bless Christopher Hitchens - heh ;)

2009-04-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

April 8: According to a new Newsweek poll, 62 percent of Americans consider the U.S. a Christian nation down from the 69 percent at the end of former President George Bush's presidency last year. Another 68 percent say religion is losing its influence on American life. Family Research Council's Ken Blackwell and Vanity Fair's Christopher Hitchens discuss.

Fear not

2009-03-08T00:01:00.001-08:00

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.
For those of you that fear that creativity is imperiled by the mediums that dominate today, watch this amazing short film and take heart that a new age of enlightenment may find us thanks to the "palettes and chisels" from our wonderful machines of silicon.

Absolute Bullshit

2009-03-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

One of the most talented of American artists is forced to endure the indignity of financial stress due to anachronistic and bigoted policies.

Ah Rush - you make me smile

2009-03-01T23:42:00.000-08:00

Ludicrous.

WineNerdNation.com is ours beeotches!

2009-02-18T23:56:00.000-08:00

On a recent episode of Wine Library TV, Gary Vaynerchuk offhandedly coined the term "Wine Nerd Nation". It doesn't take a genius nor a devotee of Vaynerchuk's online marketing hustle to realize that that's a kickass domain. So...we bought it! Ha! We win. And, we pointed it to our hilarious Cerebral Itch wine labels.

That my friends, is "Smurfing" it up and "doing damage" between 7 and 2.

"That is surreal"

2009-02-14T01:50:00.000-08:00

Get ready to have your mind f'kn blown by a dust storm in Australia captured on video.

Cerebral Itch Valentine's Day Card and Wine Label Sale

2009-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

In honor of romance in a crappy economy, we went and dropped the price of our Valentine's Day greeting cards and wine labels to $2.95 each (down from tree fiddy). There's stuff for lovers, for singles and downright bitter people who think this holiday is a joke (and those are the ones that get invited to Cerebral Itch functions).

And we know we've said this before, but if this isn't some of the best schwag we've ever created then we just aren't the sexy funny mofos we think we are.

ZOINKS! They do what?!

2009-01-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

Juvenile? Yes. Hilarious? Oh yeah.

Asshole

2009-01-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Samuel Johnson (1709–84)

You claim that history will judge you in a fairer light. With that said, I promise you Mr. President that I will remind my children, and my children's children that I survived the worst president in our country's history. Which I might add, was no small feat with you at the helm.

Go away and prepare to be haunted by the ghosts you made.

I apologize in advance to those who might be offended by the following - technically known as "those who have a stick up their ass"

2009-01-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Don't feel bad if at the end of this video (granted, if you can see through your tears of laughter) you covet a balloon animal's life.

RIP: Ricardo Montalban 1920-2008

2009-01-15T09:00:00.001-08:00

May we all raise a glass to the best Star Trek villain ever, the consummate island host and the smoothest Latino leading man of the past century. Vaya con dios Ricardo, vaya con dios.

Hot Dandy! Blogojevich Balls are now for sale

2009-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

If this country didn't have a sense of humor it would stick it's head in an oven.

God bless the artists

2009-01-12T12:26:00.001-08:00

The Chicago Tribune picked our wine labels for their holiday entertaining guide

2009-01-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

And yet again, we're referred to as "snarky".

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

2009-01-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Those hilarious bastards over at The Onion humble me.

Shrinkage is the least of his worries

2009-01-06T23:54:00.001-08:00

New year's skier in Vail - read about this hell here

What the hell did CNN expect?

2009-01-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

Nonetheless, it is a classic retort.

The ADVOCATE says Cerebral Itch is The Best

2008-12-27T10:13:00.000-08:00

Our little "Thank You - that was one hell of an orgy" card was featured in December's The Advocate.

VCT EXCLUSIVE:Source of Gregory Leak Revealed

2008-12-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

According to an article in The Huffington Post, hackles are up on several executives over at NBC due to the leak surrounding David Gregory's ascension to the Meet The Press throne. What was most disturbing about this article was the scurrilous accusation that Chuck Todd was in some way responsible for this leak.

The staff at Viva Chuck Todd found this libelous salvo beyond the pale of belief and responded accordingly by mobilizing the entire editorial staff late last night to get to the bottom of who exactly is responsible for the leak and hopefully inoculate The Chuck from any further blame. Findings as of this morning were both shocking and disturbing.

According to VCT reporting, it appears that not one, but several people were responsible for the Gregory leak. One of the most surprising aspects of this story is that the leak came not from the news division, but from the entertainment division. Their apparent motive was a complete takeover of the news division paving the way for a revamp where a variety/game-show format would be pursued. According to multiple anonymous sources, the leader of this group was germ-phobe and host of NBC's Deal or No Deal, Howie Mandel. Sources tell us that Mandel has always had an eye on the Sunday morning news show as an excellent vehicle to parlay the success of Deal or No Deal.

The Viva Chuck Todd editorial offices have also come into possession of Mandel's notes where he sketched out changing the Meet The Press set to resemble the Deal or No Deal set where political newsmakers would sit before the 26 terraced briefcase girls and be directed to get their questions by calling on a scantily-clad model one at a time who would then open the case and read the guest a probing well-researched news question or in some cases a light-hearted general interest question submitted by a viewer. The Mandel notes also revealed that back-channel arrangements had already been made to have former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton be the first guest of the new show along with a whole new round table discussion group consisting of Ben Affleck, Star Jones, Ann Coulter and The Obama Girl. There was also to be a closing musical number planned for each show performed by cross-dressing manazon RuPaul. A musician who had been hired for show's band revealed that the first number was to be a take-off on the RuPaul hit Supermodel where the main chorus lyric "you better work!" was to be aimed towards the incoming Obama administration.

Where David Gregory fits into all of this is still unclear, but the same musician who revealed the first closing number told Viva Chuck Todd that Gregory would of most likely been retained after the "coup" for his dancing and comedic talents. Over the years, Gregory has displayed an uncanny flair for R&B interpretive dance and impersonations.

While Mandel was the front man for this cadre, the true puppet master was acclaimed West Wing creator, Aaron Sorkin. Sorkin apparently was still harboring ill will towards NBC for the cancellation of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and felt that this remaking of Meet The Press would be the right formula of news and entertainment he failed to capture with Studio 60. As of this morning, representatives for Mr. Sorkin were refusing comment and directed VCT inquiries to their legal counsel.

Shortly before press time, NBC released a statement saying that this Sunday's installation of Gregory as the new host of Meet The Press will go ahead as planned. No decisions have been made as to whether charges will be filed against Sorkin and Mandel.

Crap! I now find this cute

2008-11-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

Once you have a kid - you're brainwashed, face it.

Uncle Keith knocks it out of the park again on Prop 8

2008-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

Say what you will about this man; I don't think O'Reilly is given to such humanity.

Waking up from a bad dream

2008-11-04T04:10:00.000-08:00

please vote and know hope.

The Powell Endorsement: The Sequel

2008-10-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Even more damning than his appearance on Meet the Press.

Looking Presidential: Compare and Contrast

2008-10-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm just saying.

Oh, if silly faces ruled the world...wait a minute.

We're not even going to bother with a poll - but we've got new presidential debate e-cards!

2008-10-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

We threw together some more e-cards based on the more memorable lines of tonight's debate. Enjoy (they're free).

Um, Senator...You just said "prisoners"

2008-10-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, Joe Biden is everyone's favorite gaffe-machine, but say what you will, Biden knows how to laugh it off. This poor fellow just looks like his faculties are making a break for it.

Okay, so who won the 2nd Presidential Debate?

2008-10-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

For the sheer academic exercise, we're putting up this poll; despite knowing how most of you are going to vote on this one. Oh, with that said, we created a brand new e-card in honor of tonight's shining moment - check it out

NEW DESIGN ADDED!

2008-10-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

New items added to the SARAH PALIN WTF SUPERSTORE

The Gladys Wood Elementary School Drop Out line.

Hey, if she mentions it on national television, it's fair game

Sarah Palin: the conservative literatti ain't cuttin' her any slack

2008-10-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Golda Meir
Margaret Thatcher
Benazir Bhutto
Indira Ghandi
Condoleza Rice and Hillary Clinton for that matter...

Would they wink repeatedly, hide behind handlers and say "betcha"?

The smart money is on "no".

Cerebral Itch featured on KNSD7/39 San Diego NBC

2008-10-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Well, somehow we got on TV again talking about Cerebral Itch. This time it was the fine folks over at NBC 7/39 who showed us the early A.M. love. Kacky did a great job but Paul has been admitted to the local hospital to get the stick removed from his ass.

Well? Who won?

2008-10-02T20:25:00.001-07:00

The results are in and apparently you through the pageant queen razzle-dazzle of Governor Palin and gave the night to Senator Biden.

Forget who he's talking about, focus on what he's talking about - inspiring

2008-10-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

You better use another lifeline

2008-10-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

This idiot couldn't pass a citizenship test.

Sarah Palin:The avoidable gamble

2008-09-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

"Life is full of unavoidable gambles - this surely was an avoidable gamble".

That quote was from one of our favorite men of letters: conservative columnist, George Will, summing up a conversation about Sarah Palin. The video clip is from "The Green Room" segment which follows the round table group after the taping of This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Quite a group was assembled this morning, George Will, Newt Gingrich, Steven Pearlstein and Robert Reich who all spoke to the bailout, the first debate and Palin. Watch it, it's worth seeing Gingrich pathetically defend Palin and then get laughed at. Is it me or is Gingrich looking more and more like Benny Hill these days?

And Speaking of Palin, we just launched The Sarah Palin Superstore complete with your favorite Cerebral Itch Sarah Palin e-card humor now plastered on t-shirts, mugs, etc. - get over there and buy something before that walking punchline is kicked off the ticket.

Craig Ferguson = Political Genius

2008-09-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

And so, comedy continues to be the delivery method of this bitter tonic we call the 2008 Presidential campaign.

Un-f'kng-believable

2008-09-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

From Glenn Greenwald over at Salon.com

But Sarah Palin's performance in the tiny vignettes of unscripted dialogue in which we've been allowed to see her has been nothing short of frightening -- really, as I said, pity-inducing. And I say that as someone who has thought from the start that the criticisms of her abilities -- as opposed to her ideology -- were much too extreme. One of two things is absolutely clear at this point: she is either (a) completely ignorant about the most basic political issues -- a vacant, ill-informed, incurious know-nothing, or (b) aggressively concealing her actual beliefs about these matters because she's petrified of deviating from the simple-minded campaign talking points she's been fed and/or because her actual beliefs are so politically unpalatable, even when taking into account the right-wing extremism that is permitted, even rewarded, in our mainstream. I'm not really sure which is worse, but it doesn't really matter, because with 40 days left before the election, both options are heinous.

Truth to Power:Chris Rock offers some salient political observations

2008-09-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Unbelievably hilarious and spot on? Yes. Did he just scare the shit out of older white rural voters? Yes to that too.

Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

2008-09-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Genius

Anyone want to take a crack at this logic?

2008-09-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember that this hack was run out on a rail by her board?!

San Diego's FOX 5 does Cerebral Itch

2008-09-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

Well, someone felt sorry for us and put our story on the TV. The absolutely charming Nadine Toren from San Diego's FOX 5 took some time out of her busy morning to feature the Cerebral Itch political e-cards. Watch the piece, it's worth it just to hear someone call us "lovebirds".

NEW Political e-Cards

2008-09-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

Here's just a couple of the new political e-cards we've added.

Did you really think we'd sit by and let this whole McCain/Palin thing go by without popping off?

Just in case

2008-09-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

Click here after you read this

Judge as you may

2008-09-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

This balancing act treads at McCain's peril. The Cerebral Itch Scatch Pad encourages your comments.

Can I get a Halelujah for a pipeline!

2008-09-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Recent, pertinent and chilling.

Honky Tonk Hate Speak:Sarah Palin addresses, scratch that, incites the Republican base

2008-09-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

As Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin spoke in front of the massive half-ass Flickr slideshow that passes for the RNC's main stage backdrop, the blood must have ran cold for a great deal of Obama supporters.

Her telegenic lip-curling and nostril flaring, her developmentally disabled baby being passed from person to person like the prop from a bizarre nativity scene and the sarcastic venom that dripped from her impeccably glossed MILF lips left this blogger saying one thing, "Shit, the disenfranchised right-wing evangelicals have their Obama now." It was like the denouement from the plot of some sci-fi superhero movie where the hero must face down the bigger, meaner and stronger adversary in order to save the day. Palin is that adversary now.

When you can sell lines like, "My fellow citizens, the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of "personal discovery" and not get laughed out of the room when you yourself have a questionable resume for the job you're applying for and a passport that is brand new is downright admirable.

One can only hope that she was queen for a day. That this was her zenith and election day will be her nadir. But it doesn't look like that. The pundits were stunned, charmed in fact. The conservative press hoisted her on their shoulders and the liberal press gave credit where credit was due. She will soldier on adding culture to the list that contains Afghanistan and Iraq as one more battleground. She will embrace her inner "pit bull", "barracuda" or what ever carnivorous appellation the right will brand her with. Her knocked-up kid will become the symbol of parental tolerance and unconditional love instead of a pox on her parenting skills for not embracing birth control the way the parent of a teenage girl living in a place where humping and binge drinking are the official sports during the cold months should. And thanks to the vulgar display of her new baby, any couple who wrestled with the decision of bringing a Downs baby into this world and made the opposite decision the Palins did will now be considered of something tantamount to eugenics.

Let's be honest. She backed Ted Stevens, her hubby (who by the way, if anything good comes of this, it's that man gets a tailor) belongs to a state succession group, she possesses the geopolitical knowledge-base of a third-rate Jeopardy applicant, she abused her executive power and attempts to ban library books that offend her Christian sensibilities. But man, can that broad gin up the base and look good doing it. She is the personification of the most obscene political calculus ever conceived. Hat's off to the guys in the back room that cooked this one up and hat's off to Palin for pulling it off.

As of tonight, McCain should just relent and slide to the back of the ticket and let her have the top job. He'd have a better shot at the White House that way.

Uh, is this mic on?

2008-09-03T21:43:00.001-07:00

The Chuck held court today for a gorgeous blooper and fed the beast with some innocent post-interview questioning that caused former McCain 2000 campaign manager and Republican strategist, Mike Murphy and Wall Street Journal columnist, Peggy Noonan to voice their genuine opinions about Sarah Palin and the new Republican gameplan while their microphones were mistakenly still hot.

Just the fact that the acclaimed wordsmith and doyenne of diction, Peggy Noonan uses the word "bullshit" makes this a classic and perhaps the greatest soundbite for a dance mashup since the Barbra Streisand classic. The surrounding content of her profanity is in direct contradiction to her column in the Wall Street Journal this morning which heaped praise on the "transformative" figure that is Palin. It brings this to a level of irony that is to be relished by all political junkies and anyone who gives a less than Christian gesture to the screen when Noonan comes on.

UPDATE: Noonan's column is now complete with a mea culpa posited as her "mugging" by the media. She also proclaimed regret for "blurting" a "barnyard epithet". Sorry honey, when you say "excuse me" before you let loose with your potty word, you ain't blurtin' a thing - that's premeditated cussin'.

Pile On!

2008-08-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

At least there was only one Jeremiah Wright.

The Los Angeles Times talks to us about Chuck Todd...Go figure

2008-08-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

The Los Angeles Times ran a story on Chuck Todd and apparently had to fill some space and interviewed us about our other site Viva Chuck Todd. Check it out. It actually looks like we can put a cogent thought together.

And McCain shoots...he scores!But Jesus Saves!

2008-08-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

Holy god (allow me to be irreverent and ironic right off the bat)! Senator John McCain saw the opportunity to finally get out there and grease the skids with the religious right and man, did that sallow septuagenarian hit his mark.

As the light shone down from the hallowed rafters of Reverend Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA, John McCain broke the indoor speed record for evangelical ass-kissing by one person. Honestly, does one person really need to invoke Reagan's "shining city on the hill" schtick, Rwandan Missionary work, Georgian 3rd century Judeo-Christian roots and Mother Theresa in under four minutes?

The best part was when Pastor, er Reverend, uh high media priest...whatever Warren asked what makes him a follower of Christ and Senator McCain told a story about his captivity and a guard who showed him not only a semblance of mercy while being tortured, but drew him a cross in the dirt and shared a moment as two Christians. Fine, great story. Would look great on film except...John McCain to this day, refuses to stop referring to his captors as anything but "gooks". Okay fine, Christian gooks then. Another "hey, nobody's paying attention" high point was when Senator McCain humbly referred to some of the "worst places in the world", "dark corners", "little places like Belarus" in a way that made you tear up from the admiration he was emoting; wait a minute, did you say "Belarus"? You mean the same sh*thole you used as a punchline when you wanted to jokingly exile uber-lobbyist and former senator Phil Gramm after he called us a nation of whiners? Yeah it was and tonight you set things straight. Well, hats off to you Senator!

And in all fairness, Obama sucked. He tried to be sincere, but came off as verbose and trying way too hard. Cut the man some slack though; he just was in Hawaii for a week. Take it from me, if there's one place in the world that's going to cause some mental atrophy, it's that place.

We also have to give MCain credit where credit's due for smoking Obama in the speed round for answering "at the moment of conception". Boom! done! "Thank you ladies and gentlemen and good night. Don't forget to vote for me on one issue and only one".

And one more thing before I have to get ready for church. Why aren't there hordes of secular Americans AND people of faith who have an academic understanding of our Constitution marching on Washington in protest that the first semi-official showdown between two candidates for the President of the United States was in a mega-church?! Oh that's right, we're in the minority.

Hell in a handbasket

2008-08-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

While everyone watches pretty lights twinkle in a dirty city, a boy swim really fast and yet another politician succumb to hubris and lust; this is what really happened in the last 72 hours:

Russia flexes it dormant muscles and seizes former chunk of the USSR with brutal relish
Islamic separatists displace 130,000 Filipinos - a humanitarian disaster looms
oh yeah, two wars still cooking and the U.S. was just bumped by China as the biggest manufacturer.

Enjoy the Olympics

Cokie Roberts: Haole Idiot

2008-08-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Newsflash: East Coast intellectual snob flummoxed over African-American male spiriting off to an exotic locale to do god knows what.

Just the fact that this colonial hag felt she had to clarify that Hawaii is a state is reason enough to back Obama; just so she'll clutch her purse that much tighter when a darkie walks past.

Greatest Commercial...ever

2008-08-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

I would've given a years salary to be in on the ad agency's pitch meeting.

"Okay so we're going to have daytime fireworks but using paint instead punctuated by classical music with a spooky-ass clown running around wildly as the true personification of hue-addled jubilation. Work with me people! This'll be spectacular! If you don't sign-off on this, you're all a bunch of myopic philistines!"

Wrong on so many levels

2008-08-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently Liz Taylor is in the hospital for one of the 1674 ailments her body is wracked with; sad enough. But what is really sad was the statement her publicist let loose with:

"Ms. Taylor is fine. Her hospital visit was precautionary. She will be returning home shortly. At present, she is surrounded by family, friends and fabulous jewels."

"Fabulous jewels", "fabulous jewels"?! In the midst of an economic tailspin, a constitution under siege and reality shows, Dame Elizabeth Taylor's publicist chose words that might've resonated entertainingly in the early 60's or 80's but now they're vulgar, out of touch and stupid.

Hey wait a minute? Does that guy work for the McCain campaign?

One Grumpy Old Man calling out another...hard

2008-08-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

Jack Cafferty, curmudgeon extraordinaire on CNN nails it on the head regarding McCain and his pissy, envious hypocrisies.

We have to point out that the the latest McCain ad which includes Britney Spears and Paris Hilton just underscores how ridiculously out of touch he is with pop culture and the youth vote. Hilton and Spears are so 2005 it's not even funny. They're yesterday's news. But then again, this is coming from a guy if asked who should be a singled out in an ad showing sexpots with international appeal he probably would say Elke Sommer and Gina Lollobrigida

Hey Look, I'm Phoning It In! Ha!

2008-07-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't been updating this site frequently: sue me. I have a good reason though, this blog isn't getting mentioned on national television, this one is - check it.

Too Soon? apparently not anymore

2008-07-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

Andrew 1: Knock knock.
New York: Who’s there?
Andrew 1: 9/11
New York: 9/11 who?
Andrew 1: You said you’d never forget.
click here

proving the old adage - tragedy plus time equals comedy

source

Hey Look! Another reason to celebrate the 4th!

2008-07-04T00:56:00.000-07:00

The great polemicist Christopher Hitchens is quoted to have said on the death of Jerry Falwell, "If you gave Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbook." I would like to echo that sentiment for the late Jesse Helms. He was a small-minded monster bent of depriving a great deal of Americans their rights.

All I hope is Mapplethorpe got the memo and is on his way to give Helms the business end of his bullwhip.

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

This should be the national anthem and never again heard sung by anyone else other than Ray Charles.

May you and your family have a happy and safe celebration of our country's independence.